murphy's law.

things will go wrong in any circumstance, if i give them the chance. well then, i have been generous, not exactly in the fashion that favours myself. in short, i'm alittle bit screwed recently. Lord, please help me and carry me through. i thought they were just petty stuffs.

just when i m in mammoth need to communicate with UST, the earthquake on 26th fuelled my anxiety to the top gear, 'cause the receipt of email is 19 hours delayed. i cant imagine how that digital signal or whatever you would name it, floated around in the air, or in that underwater cable for 19 hours?! forget it, that's not within my capability to amend, and patience is a virtue. and damn me, i didnt foresee the two consecutive long weekends, which is the best timing to clear leaves especially for the white collars who have been stuck to stink in tiny office cubicals for a year. just great, i took it for granted, and now my inbox has vast varieties of auto-replies with one unanimous theme "i m on leave". add to the worse, UST is not offering the modules that i have mapped a year ago as they changed the module codes and some crashes in the timetable, so here i m, back to frenzy state of searching modules and write in to professors on both sides, begging for permission and goodness me, they did respond in real time as i clicked the send button, just adding to auto-reply collections of "i m on leave" messages in the inbox...

i seriously hope everything will be fine though i m in no mood to wait...and what the holy butterhead, the 5 time MVP michael jordan divorced?!

60% ?!

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

bankcrap.

if this is the christmas surprise, i will curse at the santa clause...UST emailed me 3 days ago regarding the financial issues, demanded for bankstatement; i have already sent the income tax slip to them and now they asked for bankstatement, how wonderful just before christmas when everyone's got no mood for work in excitement for the long weekend coming up. posb didnt keep the promise that the bankstatement would be ready within a day, so now had to wait until this long weekend is over, so that the documents could be faxed, no more surprise please..

furthermore, i had been calling the bank for past 2 days, the waiting time was simply too long, the tender voice "please hold, your call is important to us, we will attend to you shortly" wasnt very comforting, and all i wanted to know was whether i could issue a cheque in US dollars 'cause federal insurance co. only accpets US dollars for payment, waited and waited and waited, the answer i got was NO, fantastic..so went posb, requested for a bankdraft that carries US dollars, and the bank exchange rate was 1 to 1.54 and later when i was strolling on orchard road, the exchange display in the indian money changer store squeezed inbetween malls was only 1.52..that's extortion from the bank, and worse, u gotta comply..

i had enough of bankcrap today, maybe i shall work in the bank after graduation, it's madness amount of money they are earning from people like you and me...

七年

我悄悄地延续着父亲的宿命，不可自拔地沦陷在她的身影之中。缘分，也许就是轮回。所欠父母的太多太多，却又无法清洗血液里的叛逆，倔强地坚持着无用的自尊。他说过，像个男人一样，不许哭，我却认为那是人性的压抑；他说过，这个世界很大，要去闯，我却认为家才是我最后的归属；他说过，他不曾后悔，我却认为那是他为了掩饰文革过去的种种，自欺欺人的以为。一来一往之中，道不同，却无法不相为谋，儿子只能带着顺从的面具，反叛的嘴角微微上扬。或者，认识母亲是他这一生最美好的回忆，我不得而知。虽然放弃了一切跟随了这个固执的男人，但母亲从未因为生活在他的影子里而后悔，相夫教子就是她的事业。已经泛黄的书信夹杂在印着毛主席头像的大红色笔记本里，那是她逝去的青春的全部，那是是她的精神堡垒。我不曾翻阅过，想必她也不会让我一窥究竟，毕竟那是一个女人毕生最私密的回忆，那就让它停留在青涩。我现在的所为，如果成为另一个人的记忆板块，不也何尝如此。或许，当他们两人相互依偎着渐渐老去，当我成家立业，我才能体会父亲的用心良苦，才能了解为什么他不许我哭泣，为什么男人的眼泪一文不值，为什么是自己的，就要自己去争取。但现在，我还是希望带点孩子气般地反抗他的理念，仅是一味的顺从，岂不是辜负了从他身上遗传下来的固执的基因。 get me right, i m who i m.

随想随笔，写在来新七年整

hey jude.

to amanda.

179. illinois. your hand.

fuck it, i feel awful, in really bad shape, in the same state of poignancy , when i sent my grandma off..the 0500am airport was cold, not even the coffee in hand could stop the chill. i pretended to take it easy, putting up faint smile on face, but in fact that's not the case. i was thinking if i were in Graham's shoes in the holiday, would i do the same thing when Amanda packed the bags and leaving for LA..it turned out that i was just a clone of Graham, spoke no sweet lines, and wept like a baby, sorry i didnt keep my words..ok, so the long lost sentimental side of mine is back, i thought i wasn't born with one, and this time, i m rounded up. she said " i was expecting you.", i can tell that easily, though i was told not to make the appearance..and the 1st lesson is: read whatever the ladies say in opposite, that's what they really want. zc, you were right, i owe you big time. thanks for the hug, and i shall have cuddled longer and tighter, but well, people were watching and i had to let go the hand reluctantly, drawing away the last bit of warmth from her body. worry not, i have registered every detail in my tiny brain, all of them. pacific ocean is my enemy now, 179 days i wont lose the count. somehow a year ago, my cousin was right when she bought me the little cross with 4 leaved clover embedded, "you will give it to her, whoever she is", i laughed it off and gave her the face i-dont-believe-in-that..my dearest beloved cousin's good, she should become the fortune teller, as that little cross is now dangling on a motorola razor phone 10,o00 feets above the ground and i only noticed it at the check-in gate. well, this is it, happy landing in illinois, and weeper is gone.

just random

watched the holiday, had a long walk, a real long walk, memories flooding back, and it's a wonderful sunday night. my room's windy, with that tinge blend of green scent, must be the rain. why are we exchanging the life stories? 'cause i cant find any reason why we shouldnt..regarding betrayal, i guess somehow we all experience it one way or another, mild or intense, perhaps the best resolution among the worst to me, is to compartmentalize my life so as to minimize the damage, and i wont lead a malfunctioning life, ok, may be partially malfunctioning but overall i m still kicking up a good life and laughing at the miseries. it's hypothetical, not everyone has a crystal ball that reads into future. he said, you are on your own, solider; since when i m not, since when?

D-day plus one

i permit myself to be in the blank mode for the next 24 hours, and it's extendable.

agenda:

1. christmas deco
2. finish the book
3. throw away the notes, yea, throw them away
4. frame up my helpsheets?! think twice, 'cause i could never surpass terry's seven columns of wanders
5. re-arrange the CDs, they look messy
6...still formulating, 5 is enough for now

i gonna write a letter. out.

for my reference