get it over

ages' been gone since the last time i commit in heart talk over the mobile, at 230am, and the battery went flat so it was abruptly stopped, else it could easily go beyond an hour and a half...

i m not a perfectionist, and i could easily surrend just like what i did before As..but thank Lord that i've granted with strength to carry on, such that when i fall i could get back on feet myself...imperfections are everywhere, live with them, and discovery of the beauty is all i m longing for. perfection is merely an option, not an obligation, girl u read that? who wants to live in the world with everything's perfect, that's nuts and makes no sense, at least to me..

i m just glad that people are questioning their lives, not just blindly steering forward, it can go nowhere sometimes. feel powerless? yes; feel exhausted? yes; feel sick? yes; feel jealous? yes; feel meaningless? yes; feel yourself? no...dont deprive me the right to dream, as that gets me and others going...

"sometimes you cant make it on your own"

it's you when i look into mirror, so dont tell me you dont understand how i feel, killing me softly with your tender sweetness, trapped in no light, breathe in endlessness, letting out the thinest sigh in defiance, i cant be right and seems i've never been bold, but read my lips, it says i love you so. damn, i need damage control.

monday wonderful

the presentation teams are now lagging behind by 2, so i sincerely hope that the situation will only get worse tomorrow, such that, being the last group to present/lecture we will escape that...

i m not undermining the creativity of professor goh who came out the idea that students would lecture the students, and he just sits back relaxed and giving you the right direction when you are steering towards the wrong one. afterall he's the one calling the shot, and setting our final papers...

so i met up with my group this afternoon, all of them are my seniors, and met the legendary shuangjun; our seniors are the most powerful group of industrial engineers-to-be in the history of the department, and according to little white, shuangjun is the most powerful among the most powerful batch, i gotta say, he looks very wise and i feel hornored to be assigned in the same group...so the seniors spent about 15 minutes debating on how many latin squares there can be, given there's n by n levels, that's the only the introduction...they started to talk in martian language, i took a very deep breathe when shuangjun's inferring latin square to markov chain! in embarrassment, i had to disrupt their debate and told them i didnt understand what they were talking, and started all over again...i m a stupid junior, i know

it was a fun experience though, had a wonderful conversation with mardiana after the meeting, she's the year5, somehow her graduation's been delayed by one semester, but she is very very cool...in our conversation, we covered democracy, religion, ideology, communism and how these terms interact with each other, for a moment, i thot i m a politcal science student, but it was just free roaming of the ideas and that's the university life i meant, we dont just talk about markov chains, EOQs, aggregate planning, exponential smoothing, winter's methods because we are ISE, we have independent thoughts, different but reconcilable and we question our lives, for what? i dont know, but it's better than just having knowlegde on markov chains, EOQs, aggregate planning, exponential smoothing, winter's methods...

it was friday

the snooze function of alarm clock is one of the greatest inventions in mankind history, it prevents me from smashing up the poor little gadget...

went to great world city for movie after class, i always want to watch pulse ever since i watched the trailer on youtube and i convinced cw to come along, plus cs towards the last minutes. the film basically grabs and masters all the elements of suspense horror: scenes like dirty toliet with rusty bolts on the door of cubical, crampped bathtub, large frame of window (dirty still) which you look out is the lifeless street, tangled wires of destop with dust of a century resting on it (dirty again), and to my surprise, throughout the 90 minutes, word for frustration like fuck only heard once, and it was from the leading actress...i kinda like the concept of the movie, which if i didnt interpret wrongly, hell is just a bandwidth like our WiFi floating in the air, "There are some frequencies we were never meant to find." the tagline says, some computer geek accidentally interfered and probed into it, and of course opened the box, and welcome to hell...the solution is to use computer virus to shut down the bandwidth which ultimately failed, so welcome to hell again...

supposely you could see dead people on your PC, but the dead is using black plastic bag( like those trash bags) to cover his head and squat at the corner like he's suffering from autism, i found it stupid and i lost track there...it's not spooky to me, i think it's 'cause i m old now, and the ghost boss/hellraiser( i dont know what that thing is called, it just teleports everywhere and sucks your life out ) is a bald head with pale ghotic makeup like it's been overdosed on drugs...cs was freaked out by certain scenes thou, but she behaves like exponential, memoryless...

if you got computer addict friends, bring them to watch it, freak'em out and laugh at them...however the dead portrayed in the film is, to me, in the endlessness of eternal lonliness, sad and helpless, mirroring the extreme in our real world?

-i m hungry-

farewell anthony, see you on skype

dude, take care, whatever shit u do, take care.

i appreciate u asked me out for dinner on monday, felt guilty for not being able to catch up with you frequently, especially after school restarted and i've been haunted by endless assignments, the greatest regret probably is wouldnt be able to play ball with ya, damn, i miss those days...

and why the heck the flight schedule is a day ahead than planned outa blue? anyway, was the conversation we had on monday considered men's talk? i could only testify that all i said was truth, state of confusion, yes, but all truth...enjoy your last year in liverpool, dude, u gonna graduate a year earlier than me, and there are just tons of things you would wanna do after that. i m not good at saying sweet things, and you know it, so God bless you, faith brings you anywhere.

one last note, you know what i meant when i said:"dont get into anything physical", dont you?

pigeons, winter and Amsterdam

only if i could be as well-travelled as my father, i always look up to him and he has expectations on me, but i just cant be him...

last tues, was having lunch with terry, zt and tin, somehow the topic of trans-national marriage arose...i didnt really think too much, till i asked myself, what would i choose? which citizenship will i grant my children, since dual-citizenships isnt allowed in both singapore and china; but i do think, the policy in singapore is slowly changing to adapt to dynamic demographic transition, to which i think, it will eventually embrace dual-citizenship just like those northern european countries simply 'cause the population base is shrinking, till then, perhaps my children, if ever i get married here, shall have dual-citizenships..anthony, this is the question for you to ponder too, since you are in the more "advanced" status than me now.














look what i found, we were babies in black and white, young and innocent time, now with only corrupted mind. preview of my kid.

again, subjectless

went to pick up the ordered 7th jay album last night...losing passion on him thou, i m merely collecting his albums now, the feeling is utterly different from the time that i got his 1st one in november 2000, and well, at this rate, his albums are gonna colonize the shelf...fanciful cover isnt appealing to me, a simple concept will make bigger buzz, i m just an outlier that fails the marketing expectation of the record company...

recommendation: 7.心雨 10.菊花台

subjectless

church's cancelled the pilgrimage trip to jerusalem, reason being that military standoff in the region,thus incapable of guaranteeing the safty of all.

in the holy land where Chirst was born, war wages on...

made a new friend today at the archery session, an exchange student from Canada, Montreal..if the picture of a blue eye hulk with thick blonde hair has actually bubbled above your head, get rid of it then...he's a pure chinese, cantonese to be exact, an immigrant for 14 years in Montreal; now majoring in international business, and believe it or not, that was what i want to do before i was enrolled, but subsequently changed my mind for ISE; i laughed out when he told me how he was shocked and awed by the thunder when he was asleep in the midnight in shearse hall, and i responded, dude, get used to it, the raining season is right at the corner, his reaction was kinda cute, "raining seaon?! really? that's cool"; i guess, you dont really get to see big fat tropical rain in Montreal then?

i see myself in him, perhaps both sharing the sentiments being the second generation of chinese immigrants, born in 80's

unscrewed? screw me

personally, i think it's pretty much fuck'd up by the amount of work i owe myself and to the professors...i have been flipping the M.log textbook, deciphering all these freaking symbols that look so alien to me, and add to worse, i dont think others will have the same sorta problem as i do, so i m screwed...to my bewilderment, despite the fact that linear programming's been learnt 2 sem back, i was flashed out when i read the assignment problem that requires the technique, i couldnt even understand the scope of the problem, perhaps only 20% of shit that i m going to make a living with after graduation? how great...having this sudden impulse, feeling like make a call to America where the editor of the textbook is, and scream at him through the speaker:" what the fuck do you want?"...at the brighter side, i finally understand what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis, and how DNA is replicated, and how i was born 'cause my dad passed his Y chromosome and my mom contributed her X chromosome...but i m still pissed at the information overload and jamming, and my incapability to digest the critical message in the book...and, the msn messager just notified me 5 minutes ago a new email message from Victoria's secret?! it's getting bad...

-the end-

for daniel lee, from not youtube, but yuntube

dude, i found this clip of her performing in a shanghai pub, April 2006, on a handycam...awesome voice, i barely could differentiate between her and celion dion...

i think i shouldnt wear white-tee, 'cause it makes me look like a walking pillow, and there was people treating me like a pillow nevertheless...i was crampped at the seat on the bus, being confined in the gap between two seats, there wasnt exactly any luxury for movement, just like praticing yoga, not in the location like beach in bali, but on a SBS bus..yea, reality is hard to swallow...a girl, probably heading home from campus too, took the seat beside me when it was free up by a kid, she's tiny, so the seat wasnt any sort of trouble for her...i guess she's probably exhausted, she dozed off in five minutes and then, as i expected, she used my shoulder as her pillow, unintentionally shall be?...ok guys, seriously, what would you do when you are subjected to such circumstance, please advise...as the stop that i would alight was still distant, and my consciousness was having argument whether i shall wake her up or continue to let her sleep, erm well, the first option was compromised...one thing i learnt from the incident though,that it's useless to use any form of verbal communication to gently alert the person beside you, who's using your shoulder as pillow; as a result of futile attempt to wake her up using my gentle, soft and manly voice, i had to(not i want to) shake her head and resort to some sign language when she finally opened her eyes and giving me that puzzled-what-the-hell-is-going-on look..."i nid to get off." i said and pointed my index finger at the autodoor of the bus...i must really have been like a cranky weirdie...