just a thought..

"but if u pray for everybody, it is the same that u don't pray for anybody"

that's philosophical..

it was yesterday

ok, fine, i woke up late today, late for the meeting with terry and t.gao...waking up on not-so-hazy saturday morning, and crawlled off bed with phone in hand, and the first text message i read was "where r u?" so i texted back while throwing away the jeans in order to reach my shorts, "home, getting dressed now, entertain yaself first"

i did feel bad for being late, so when i see the drink store at engine canteen was open, amazed and delighted, the aunite was so so beautiful, she's the star of the day...and two cups of milk tea sent my gulity away, but soon i realized i forgot to buy one cup for t.gao, and being too lazy to turn back, i decided that if i see both terry and t.gao in ibm lab, i would just say:"sorry guys, i m late, i bought tea for you two." then i would turn away and drown myself at the water cooler...it turned out to be not so bad, i was the second EARLIEST and i insisted on that, sometimes phrasing a word makes a difference, and more importantly, i can have that cup of milk tea, i needed it seriously..

we relocated to ise lab then, 'cause there was some tiling work outside ibm lab, and when i saw tiles being smashed by the jammer, i was thinking:" that's my money smashed away "...and can u imagine how psychopathic the ise lab administrators are? they screwed a glass panel onto the remote of the aircon, so that any attempt to adjust the room temperature slightly above 21 degree celsius would be declared futile, and those jet-engine-sized aircons overhanging there would warmly take away our body temperature, how sweet...

that's enough of my griping...

the work flowed cool, we managed to do some proper work, writing the paper like some policy makers as if the world will go nuts without us, and two days back we were concerned with amount of bullshit we were short of, and now we are concerned with how to reduce it...had my lunch again, in the ise lab where you will find the picture of a big cross over burger and drink.. anw, only the burger crossed out, it never cross out indonesia grilled chicken with rice...and i regret volunteering to throw away the trash, think i took it too hard for being late on a SATURDAY morning, and i bought the milk tea, didnt i?

i bumped a lab TA on the way out and the smell of indonesia grilled chicken gave me in..."no food in the lab." she said, i wanted to explain to her that it was only the burger being crossed, then again, thinking i still have 3 more semesters here, i swallowed that..." i was too hungry to move, so i asked my friend to buy food for me.." i must be possessed at that moment to come out with the worst excuse, but she laughed and let me go, people are not so square on saturday hur? and i bypassed this mechanical engine A/P meng qiang's office, the stereo in the room was blasting chinese songs that could be tracked beyond my birth, and i stood there a mintue getting amused..

left the lab at 7pm, and terry's got to go his friend's house to draft out another paper, poor thing...t.gao commented that both our bags were huge, adding to his comment, i said to terry, " imagine two of us are backpacking in lyon or somewhere, and blonds walking past us.." and before i could finish, here came the shocker reminder:"we are not even out of the door of ise lab"...spoiler, cant terry just be naive abit?

lucy's having baby

i think lucy's pregnant, she's grew fatter, she has ignored me for past two weeks, she's usually responsive when i whistled at her, and she would approach me, that's what i call trans-species charm, and now, her stomach's ballooning and she's always lying in the corner giving me that cold stare...

i dont know who's the owner of that domestic cat, and lucy is the name i gave her, hope the kittens yet to be born will be the sort in the video...the kitten reminds me how i doze off in the lecture...

beauty and the beast

sitting infront of laptop, trying get inspired..and all i know my sunday's gonna get expired.

i forgot to mention something, and i m making this record..

two days ago, when i was getting outa campus, that philippine exchange student boarded the bus at the stop beside raffles hall, she was simply stunning with just brief makeup, casually dressed with floppy pants like she's done her yoga class. i constantly peeked at her, and i guess she knew that i was doing so; i dont understand what she was talking to her friend, perhaps that's filipino, but she picked the seat beside me, and damn, i forgot to tell her:"you look great today."

drifter

i cant figure out what went astray, i decided not to go home straight, instead i bought myself the ticket to the departed. the theater was sort of empty, so basically i own the seats within 2 meters radius, and i have definitely made myself comfortable by couching across 3 seats leaning against my dirty looking bag, the jacket was the only source of warmth, and i had the big gulp of icelemon tea as company...the malay couple two seats away was giving me that look "what an odd ball", and i repsonded with shrug that read "i dont give a damn bullshit of what you think"

and zc thought i was going crazy and i thought u know that i was getting cranky lately?

the last film i watched under the name martin scorsese was his aviator, and i still keep the stubs..i like the way frank costello, or rather jack nicholson put it in the opening, " i dont want to become the product of environment, i want the environment to become my product " and sure he did, in the bloody way, then i realised it's an M18 rate. i dont know what chemical reaction went wrong in my body, i just felt lethargic, ain't engaged, and before i lost the senses, i just want to do the things that i want to do, and dont question the rationale behind, 'cause there isnt any, i need a buffer zone...

"is your life fucked?" when sargent dignam asked billy costigan, the harsh way, i thot that was for me…I wanted to buy a cup of coffee to the street artist that was playing guitar, but I don’t have a dime in my wallet, if my role’s been switched to his, would there be someone offering me just a cup of coffee and giving me a tab on the shoulder at the end of the day?

心情还是不好

day plus 8, i fail to cheer myself up again, shattered, disoriented, responsiveless, too tired to make a smile...

God damn it...

some genius came out with all those...

第一计：不论吃什么好吃的，都会让她先吃第一口（咽到了，她说我害她）
　　
第二计：永远站在她的左边牵着她的手，就算吃饭时也是坐在她的左边用左手握着她的左手（我们在逆行，行人车辆从右侧掠过，我却坚决站到她左面，结果……）　　

第三计：她的身体不好，陪着她去锻炼身体，陪她去游泳(锻炼途中我随便看了眼旁边跑过去的女孩，三天没和我说话）　　

第四计：不论有多忙，忙完了都会第一个打电话给她（她还以为我很闲，开始怀疑我有没有认真工作……）　　

第五计：爬山的时候她累了，要背着她，大汗淋淋也不说累（一起滚下山……）　　

第六计：她对紫外线过敏，夏天的时候为她打伞（不小心一下没完全遮住，她怒了，说我不关心她，要我检讨。）　　

第七计：她不会用刀子，在吃皮萨的时候先把皮萨切成一小块一小块的然后再拿给她吃（可能是我眼力不好，拿了稍微小了1毫克的那块给她，她明察秋毫，海扁了我一顿）　　

第八计：吃她剩下的饭菜（她以为我胃口好，怕我吃不饱之后每天特意剩下很多……）　　

第九计：在一个雨夹雪的夜晚，把鱼肉中的刺细心挑出来喂她吃晚饭（我激动万分的说，刺都挑出来了，她高兴放心的大口吃，1分钟后我拨通了120……)　　

第十计：让她擦过鼻涕的面巾纸直接放到你的口袋里，看到果皮箱以后你再掏出来扔掉（粘在了裤兜上，她要我牵她，我不肯，她哭着给了我一巴掌跑掉了，我坐在垃圾桶旁边祈祷）　　

第十一计：看电影的时候，让她可以舒服的*在你的右肩膀，抱着你的右胳膊（她怀疑我是故意靠近右边坐着的女士）　　

第十二计：她和好朋友出去玩，要会惦记，手机开到很晚，一直等到她回家的电话才睡觉(她玩的很累，忘记了，第二天早上我照镜子发现自己突然老了许多）　　

第十三计：知道她的一切爱好，尽量去适应她的口味（她总是对我说“拜托你有点个性好不好，你到底是不是个男人？！）　

第十四计：去外地出差，会想她打电话给她，如果有时间都会带礼物给她（她规定三小时汇报一次我的地理位置，并且不按时抽查，礼物少了就要家法伺候）　　

第十五计：不论什么时候打她的手机，都要坦然告诉她你在哪里在做什么（我出门了，我下楼梯呢，我到楼下了，楼下居委会大娘和我打招呼呢，我到地铁站了，信号没了……）　　

第十六计：你所有的密码都要让她知道，也从来不改（有天我突然发现登陆不了银行帐号，后来知道，她家电脑里养了几只木马……）　　

第十七计：尽量抽时间陪她，即使是很短的时间也会来看她（父母似乎有点寂寞,我多少年没见到朋友们了，不知道他们还活着吗）　　

第十八计：晚上睡前打电话给她，会陪我聊到很晚（很快我要找份新的工作，最好是夜班，看大门的那种。。。）　　

第十九计：她送你的东西都要用心保存（我花了三年积蓄在我家楼后买了间仓房，似乎，还不够，过些天还要贷款再买一间大些的……）　　

第二十计：为她拒绝别的女孩子的示好（在那瞬间，我感觉到狙击步枪正瞄准我的后脑勺）　　

第二十一计：看到她的脸色不好，会陪她去做美容，一直等在美容院门口（很快我开始整天躲避高利贷的追杀。）　　

第二十二计：在她遇到麻烦的事情时会为她想办法，安慰她（她完全按照我的方法做了，没几天她打电话对我说，她想亲手杀了我。）　　

第二十三计：约会过后要回家时，要在公车上一直看着她，一直到看不到为止（我发现有个男人出现在她面前，他们在说着什么，我从窗口跳下车……）　　

第二十四计：知道她总看电脑眼睛疼为她买眼药水（她告诉我那眼药水真好用，她再不为聊天聊到眼花而心烦了。等等，她和谁聊）　　

第二十五计：给她剪指甲，在她胃疼的时候用手捂着她的胃心疼的不得了（她说我剪的又慢又丑，我用手捂着她的胃1个小时，然后她用死神的眼神看着我说，你怎么还不去给我买药！）　　

第二十六计：会为她穿袜子穿鞋，走在路上看到她的鞋带松了会弯下腰为她系好（我说，有空把袜子打包邮给我，我给你洗完送回来，她怀恨在心，我弯下腰为她系鞋带时被她踹了一脚）　　

第二十七计：从不让她提重的东西（她骂我很没用，整天提重东西也不变壮。）　　

第二十八计：去寺院上香时为会她祈福（她说我迷信，又老土，并开始怀疑我是不是与某某邪教有关联）　　

第二十九计：上网查找她喜欢的故事和笑话，然后硬记下来见面时讲给她听（她面无表情地看着我被自己的笑话逗的哈哈大乐，连旁人都以为我疯了）　　

第三十计：会为了陪她而放弃自己的爱好，几乎不再玩游戏（为什么生活越来越平淡，我活着的理想是什么？过的啥这么没意思？我开始有了轻生的念头）　　

第三十一计：知道有人追她会不安，会吃醋生气（她说我没气度，并且不相信她，我为此写了份一万字的检讨，再也不敢干涉她私生活）　　

第三十二计：真诚对待她的朋友，在她们有困难的时候尽力去帮忙（有天晚上她终于忍受不住，打电话给我最后通牒说，“和我朋友保持点距离，不然就和我保持距离！”然后挂掉了电话）　　

第三十三计：保留你们的合影，并告诉周围所有的人你们是情侣（我不明白，为什么他们在背后叫我鸡婆）　　

第三十四计：看到她流泪会着急，看到她高兴会开心（我每天在着急与开心间轮转N次，没多久我预订了每周去看一次心理医生）　　

第三十五计：会为她流泪，担心和失眠（我终于断定，自己上辈子是个女人）　　

第三十六计：真心爱她，并对她说你会娶她（真心D哦~）（十几年后，我经常听见她对孩子们抱怨说“你们长大以后要言而有信，绝对别学你爸，说了1000次会娶我，结果只娶了我一次！）

alive and kicking part 1

0602

alive and kicking part 2

we only have 4 guys here on the hatchday party for cass...if we have a better attendence, i wonder what kinda havoc we will make...
hong and len u are not being helpful, trying to raise king's seat? are you nuts? i guess there's alittle bit of communication breakdown, cant you two tell what i m doing? help me...

with improved communication and coordination...here we go, dude, look at you! ain't you cool?

ok, get to the topic, 21st hatchday for the girl in white...we are getting old, but do keep young at heart, well, you can try the tricks we've done in the above picture...and remember, that is without loong's presence..close up with sam the almighty...

with hong, viv and clydie...five years ago, we were still in that grey uniform, look at us now...the reason, why three of us are still single...probably is we are acting gays...

toilet break..what more can i say?

hong, didnt u just pee too long? and what's with that face, is it really a pain to pee infront of camera?self-entertainment...peiqi, sorry that i moved too far away to make ya face appear bigger...if i say it's not intentional, will u buy that?with viv, as sporty as ever..

i feel it this way

why you buy that pair of shoes with a skull printed on it? she asked, and i answered, 'cause i m sick and tired of my past, that very much haunts me even at this moment...

it's the skull print of Che Guevara...i want to differentiate myself from the what i was, i need a revolution in mind, i can put myself in meditation for hours, contemplating about past and future, and just trying to get away from the present in an awefully messed up state of mind, i cant keep things in place, and i m stumbling on my pace, yea, you are right, it's just as fuck'd up as usual..what is it meant to be me? reincarnation of failure? and what is it meant to be you? eternity of triumph? fuck it, circle leads to nowhere...i m sorry if i cant be sweet, it's not my expertise and i wont wrap my tongue with honey; give me a hug, warm me up from inside when i cant pretend to be happy, when i fail to camouflage my saddness; make all that sacrifice worthy i wanted, though often i heard it's ok...Captain Miller said "earn it" twice before his death, the most powerful line that i remembered this far in all the films i've watched, sometimes when i infer it to my life, i cant help but start wondering what have i earned...gy, i think you have just thought too much in redundancy, go, just go and love like you've never loved before

and i need to build up my alamo..

演唱会

手表时间下午5点58分，
我在左手边数来第2个路灯，右手边数来第357块瓷砖，
等着你
人渐渐多起来，怕你看不见
我手上的荧光棒是红色的，
手机里还是没有你的简讯，
是不是路上塞车了？
没关系，我会等你
现在体温37.2度，
手里的starbucks咖啡早已凉去，
时间是晚上8点零2分，
怕热的你应该会出现了吧。
一个人路灯下踱步，
浪漫得好悲哀，
分针再次归零，9点正
曲终人散，第2个路灯下的人影很是凌乱
演唱会门票还在我手里，
而你在哪里？