"argh, you gonna think that i m crazy"

i still think sweet november is better, the script, the leading actress, compared to the lake house that i watched yesterday; charlize theron is definitely a eye candy more than sandra bullock, bullock's been classified as comedian in my history of movie going...it shall have ended like how sweet november ended, just a simple kiss...but in the end of this film, there was, to which i think, too much lip lock, keanu reeves was like trying to suck what she ate for breakfast outa her stomach...and i think there is a conspiracy theory behind the script, the dog named jack that was the only connection between two of them living two years apart, must be a psychic!! trying to overthrow the leadership of human society!!..erm, i m just imagining too much?

fix me

she held my hand, and said to me:" faith, you must have all your faith in Jesus, your prayer will heal your wound, be whatever it is ", and i was almost in tear...

like coldplay sings in fix you:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

first encounter

i brought grandma to the roti prata house at upper thomson road for breakfast...heard it's one of the best roti prata house on the island; i used to buy supper from there last sem, those dreadful days that we got to stay late in the night for the cs project...dont remind me

anyway, we had satisfying meal...and she whispered to me, why are these people so dark?

as i slowly recovered from the choke, and contemplated an appropriate answer to that; i squeezed the words outa my teeth, too much sun-tan perhaps...

grandma

thank Lord, grandma touched down safely in the afternoon. we were still worried that the airport would actually postpone the flight as the typhoon was approaching, and it was already causing some damage in northern taiwan last night, matter of time in hours for it to hit the coast of my hometown...for those never experience typhoon yet, you have no idea what is called thrilling...

again, thank Lord, the typhoon changed its path in 10 hours, headed north instead of south, though the weather forecast last night predicted a direct hit; as it turned away from the airport, my aunt drove her safely to the terminal; and thank Lord, for assigning those kind souls in her journey, help her out along the way; she's asleep now, must be tired out; at the routine sleep time prayer, we stood in the circle, she led us in the prayer, we just listened and appreciated, thank Lord for that moment.

i love her very much

changing..for good

i was reminded how i kicked a fuss about the topic on homosexual during my jc days on GP lesson; i couldnt remember the exact details, but pretty sure that i was radical, to the extent that zero tolerance of the homosexual community is permitted; others may have a rather neutral stand as it's not their beef at all, however, marginalisation of the group was my agenda, oh well, things people do when they were young and wild...it all boils down to the christian doctrine that homosexual is labelled as a sin, which's been embedded deep in my belief; when zero tolerance is allowed, it breeds arrogance, prejudice or even hatred, and i was blinded.

perhaps Lord is trying to remind me another far more important christian doctrine, that embrace the difference with love, erm...to me, maybe not with love yet, nevertheless just take the first step to accept..that somehow explains why He places homosexual friends into my life, i have to understand them, not simply shrug off and attach my prejudicial opinions to.

but frankly, it's not easy, perhaps it's just me...i'd thought he's just alittle bit sissy, may be 'cause the imbalance of male hormone inside his body; anyway, i get along with him well, having fun on cheap jokes, latest blockbusters, food watsoeva...i only realised how different he was from me when he was asking me about xbox:
"hey, i want to buy a xbox360 for my boyfriend, watcha say?"
"xbox360's got terrific graphic, its retail price is terrific too...erm, did u just say boyfriend?"
"yea, boyfriend, my boyfriend"
*silent for a while* "orh..great..lovely...anyway, xbox360 allows multiplayers up to 20 person at the same time, blah..blah..blah"

as i explored more, he is actually a drag performer as well, and he truly wants to be a woman...i guess fate just played a big prank on him, and what m i to judge? he's brave to face the reality, and never denies what truly he wants, even it's against the convention..this year, it's the fifth anniversay of his relationship and it's going steadfastly, beautiful lovestory indeed; 5 years, that's longer than any other relationships i know, and they are deemed to be different from us..i will not say i will throw my arms around and fully embrace the difference, but i m starting to accept the brokebacks, as Lord wishes me to..

ugly

no idea since when i started flirting, no idea why i m doing so. like big deal, but it feels ridiculous. first look is addictive, there goes the second, and then the third...i m confessing so, 'cause i dont wan to be a sinner, i m afraid to be one.

i m just disgusted by myself, and i need to be forgiven.