Growing Up

was cycling last nite in the park, wanted to test whether my skills are still sharp or rusty...personal favourite trick: full-spin free hand style is the best way to test out..

ok, let me get it clear, i dun wan pple accusing a frenzy lad for dangerous riding, and neither i wan anyone sees me kissing the ground when my tricks fail, so had to wait for the right moment for the crazy stuff...nearly kill myself when almost lost control at the full speed, but somehow that emergency brake worked and saved my day, and saved me from being bandaged like a mummy. i guess the only poor thing is da bicycle, missing screw at the rear...fear set in, when i sat down at the pavilion and started rewinding wat had juz happened, started imagining wat had not happened, wat if this, wat if that...

damn, i had never regreted so much risking my own life...

when was 13, 14 life was juz reckless, too energetic hur? i shld said that's the passion for life, u seem to be naive about the word "regret", so wat if i fell when trying to perform slam dunk by stepping onto the desk back to sec sch days in my home town?i would have told u that i juz wan to get a feeling of dunking, coz i noe in my whole life i would never ever slam the ball into the basket, i lived for that moment i would do watever it takes to give the best shot for that moment...that's passion, but it seems fading away as age takes move forward.

why i fear mistake? no, i m not intimidated, all i fear is that i lost the drive to even commit a mistake...i'd rather die trying than sitting there regretting, even if the chance for success is out of a million, there's still a chance...juz like the days when first started playing b-ball, so wat they dont give a shit about me, juz coz i m a rookie? how many days i spent on the court, doing those basics? "if i cant get into zone, i will shatter u from outside"was my motto, and with that i won some respect if not appreciation from my opponents...

that was past, wat now?

esaily feel comfortable in my own safe zone, passion's dying and i m doing nuthing to stop that..is that the symdrome of growing up? u start to consider consequences, and drive yaself nuts by only anticipating pessimistic outcome, and at last u will pull off any initiative to start doing wat u like..."life's like a box of chocolate, u never noe wat u gonna get"

but, wat if i cant even find that box of chocolate?