lose myself...

The only difference between a madman and me, is that i m not mad.

i m still in control of every single nerve in ma body, like it or not. my mortal flesh belongs to ma soul, but ma soul is homeless, drifting in no direction, crossing over. how many times i've had dreams of falling off a cliff, too exhausted to cry for help..when i died in ma dream, i become alive in the harsh reality. been walking in the circle like a donkey, i know ma direction but it will only lead me back to where i started. i heard laughters, vicious laughters, like a viper whispering near your ear drum, cursing ma every existence on this world. i wish i was deaf..bit ma lip and tasted ma blood, to ensure consciousness is still with me, and numb is yet to arrive. i allow fear and sorrow creep over ma body, eating into ma flesh, leaving me a walking skeleton. i beg ya pardon, premonition of insanity? your disguise is peeling off, you have no where to run, to hide to say ya prayer, you are damned. you will be naked in front of me. the faintest resist will only lead to suffering. don't murder ma sanity, don't even think about it! or i swear the last thing you do before dawn is to beg for ma mercy under ma feet. truth is daunting, but lie is letheal. i m trying to balance myself on the thin line, but more than often i lean towards deception. it spears into ma chest inch by inch. spare me with the bullshit that time cures everything, scar reminds the pain.

i will be the first to go, but don't let me be the last one to know.