redemption in progress

final year project.

2007-09-16T11:51:00.000+08:00

this is...
10% luck,
20% skill,
15% concentrated power of will,
5% pleasure,
50% pain
and a 100% reason to remember the name.

Repentance

2007-09-14T19:43:00.000+08:00

hands held high

2007-08-19T00:29:00.000+08:00

with hands held high into the sky so blue, the ocean opens up to swallow you...

slience isnt ignorance, i m not vocal enough to express. i m sorry, deeply...

shake da' booty

2007-08-04T19:22:00.000+08:00

leah dizon...ABJ i guess definitely not native japanese, she's hot, dont get too fantasized over.

jaded

2007-07-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

let one walk alone, committing no sin
with few wishes, like an elephant in the forest

新华社驻新加坡女记者的blog （转贴）

2007-07-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

发布者：郑晓奕
http://blog.voc.com.cn/sp1/zhengxiaoyi/index.do?artid=115146

那天，采访完电召德士回公寓（在这里不说打车，哈，我这话很新加坡的）。司机问“哇啊？”（Singlish是耶，即Where）车里播的是华文电台97.2，于是我用华语跟他说了公寓的名字。

听我的口音，他当然知道我不是本地华人，“小姐哪里人啦？中国来的？”
“是的，北京。”
“来新加坡做工还是读书？”他问。——我知道类似的对话又要开始了。
“做工。”而且我知道他下一句要问什么。
果然他问：“在哪里做工？”
每次我都变着花样儿回答。这次我说，“政府部门。”
“哦！中国派过来公干的啊？使馆吗？还是国安的？”他问。
我知道他要打破砂锅的。于是我说使馆。
他又问，使馆的住在那个公寓？那里很贵的，公司给你掏钱租的？几个人住一间啊？哦，职务高就一人一间啰，不高就几人一间啰，是吗？你一个人在这边，还是老公孩子也在？
看来今天遇到的这个司机比以往的还烦。我又想到一个中国移民朋友跟我说的：看你是中国女人，他才这么问的。若是新加坡本地女子，他哪敢这么问，早被骂回去了。
我比较善良，不好驳他面子，就应酬着。他谈兴正浓。看来接下来一定要谈到那个问题了。

果然，他发问了：“小姐，你知道流莺问题吗？喂，Geylang(芽笼，新加坡的红灯区)那边，那种中国女人很嚣张的咧！”
我不语，看他接下来怎么说。
“一上我的车，我就知道她们是流莺咧。真的很嚣张的咧。你们使馆不管吗？”
“那我一上车，你觉得我是做什么的？”嘴上问着好玩，但我心里开始生气了。
“小姐长得斯文，不像的啦。我有跟你谈话啊，谈多了，就知道你不是了。”
那是不是每个不是本地口音的华人女乘客，你都要这样判断？你对中国女人有偏见哦。你是觉得每个中国女人都是来你新加坡去芽笼的？——我开始发问了。
“......总之很嚣张的啦，有的说是来读书的其实也不是的啦......”他开始力争，又语无论次了。
目的地到了，这样的谈话便不欢而散。

“流莺”是当地人对暗娼的称呼，几年前“小龙女”一词曾流行于当地华文报章，是特指中国来的做那种事的女人或者插足的第三者。随着越来越多的中国孩子来新加坡求学，“陪读妈妈”也成为这里的一个尴尬的特殊群体。人力部不许陪读妈妈打工，一些陪读妈妈打黑工、做按摩女，现象普遍后，新加坡对按摩行业进行了整治，也限制向这个行业的外来人才颁发工作准证。中国女人的形象，便在新加坡不怎么光彩。我坐出租车的目的地经常是酒店（去开新闻发布会）或是公寓（回家），好事的司机就总会问“小姐去看朋友啊？”不过，我还比较幸运，至今没有遇过太糟糕的。

去年《联合早报》报道一位中国来的女乘客遇到大开黄腔的司机，最终不堪他的言辞猥亵，愤而报警。那位司机也是问她来自哪个国家。女子开玩笑让他猜香港还是台湾。他竟问“为什么不包括中国？为什么许多女人都不喜欢说她们来自中国？是不是从中国来的女人，多数是妓女？”后来他又将话题转到她身上，说她胸部虽小，不过长相可爱。还说如果她在芽笼一定会有许多人大排长龙，还说他一定会排在第一个。接着他开始大谈和妓女的性关系，并说不喜欢用安全套。女乘客终忍无可忍要求中途下车，并报警。

其实，受到的言语骚扰也不止在出租车。那天去专营体育用品的女皇镇购物中心买我喜欢的YONEX牌子的羽毛球衣。男店员和我嬉皮笑脸推荐半天。我挑了一件，问他试衣间在哪里？他竟然说：“那间有人，去我房间试啰。”我只好扭头就走。一位移民来新近十年的女朋友也跟我说，她去湿巴刹（菜市场）买鱼，让小贩替她收拾好。小贩竟先向她索取电话号码，否则就不给剖鱼。

中国人总是不惮以最大的善意对待新加坡人，因为这是个以华人为主的国家，和我们同宗同祖，我们天然地觉得与他们亲近。因为90年代邓小平访问过新加坡后号召中国向他们学习，学习他们物质文明和精神文明两手抓，学习他们短短三四十年创造的经济奇迹，学习他们的高薪养廉，学习他们严明的法治，学习他们规划有序的城市建设。因为我们从古至今都有谦虚地学习外国先进经验“洋为中用”的胸怀。我们求知若渴，甚至有点崇洋媚外。

于是，新加坡吸引的8万留学生中，有3万来自中国。
于是，大批的中国官员到新加坡学习取经，除了去美国，便是来新加坡最多。
于是，地方政府组团出国招商引资，总是以新加坡为首选。
于是，新加坡每年迎来的1000万外国游客中，有100万来自中国，人数之多仅次于印尼。
于是，新加坡是中国输出劳工的第二大目的地，仅次于输往日本。
于是，新加坡商人大批量地去中国投资挣钱。因为他们自认有“East Plus West”东西融合的优势，又懂英语知道西方规则，又懂华文知道中国人做生意的潜规则。是的，这个没有自然资源，没有腹地，起先靠吸引外资、转口贸易、港口服务发达起来的新加坡，是全民皆商的新加坡，是功利的新加坡。

它号召学好华语“能说华语是福气，别丢去”“华语cool”，是因为看到中国的挣钱商机。它大开移民方便之门，是为了吸引包括中国在内的外国专业人才，为它所用。多数新加坡人对政府吸引外来人才的政策是担扰的，因为怕外来专才抢了他们的饭碗，占用了他们的社会资源。尤其是面对越来越多移民来的中国人，他们的内心是复杂的。一方面他们知道中国在崛起，中国是拉动亚洲甚至整个世界经济的发动机，他们要靠中国来挣钱；另一方面他们知道中国人勤奋聪明，心里也承认过不了几十年中国肯定超过新加坡，于是有点怕中国人抢了饭碗。他们对中国人并不那么友好，起码不像中国人对他们这么友好。我们对他们的友好，好过他们对我们的友好。四十多年的公民教育已经成功在400万人心中植下了“我们是新加坡人”的国家意识。中国只是他们上两三代的祖先来南洋讨生活前的遥远的“唐山”老家。

他们说的华语、认同的传统文化是源于中国，他们认为那是古代中国，他们对现在的中国并不是特别认同。我们总是很善良，很热情，很交心。我们的文人、艺人、官员来到新加坡，总是心怀真诚地用中文说“来到新加坡感觉非常亲切，就像没出国一样。”其实这么说的时候，做为听众的新加坡人心里并不认同，他们不爱听，他们心里可能在辩说“我是新加坡人！跟你中国不是一家人。”

我们的新闻人也不惮以最大的虔诚报道新加坡的“先进经验”。国内发展中出现什么问题，总要问诊外国膏药来贴，而其中必定少不了“新加坡牌”膏药。国内打狗了，编辑部约稿问新加坡怎么管理宠物。国内发展高科技农业，问新加坡农业咋搞（拜托，a city-state城邦国家哪有农业？）。国内号召文明旅游，问新加坡旅游局有没有制订游客文明守则。汉语热在全球发烧，就问新加坡是不是华文越来越热（实际上是越来越西化的年轻一代惧怕学华文）。真是写也写不完的新加坡先进管理经验啊。

连当地媒体的朋友也跟我们说，拜托你们别把新加坡写这么好，也写写新加坡的不好吧：新加坡新闻管制比你们中国还严，记者哪里挖掘过负面报道，哪有“焦点访谈”；裸体画都无法在新闻通讯及艺术部画廊公开展出；好多电影要被媒体管理局剪好多刀，加上限制级别；在法国50年常演不衰的crazy horse颠马无上装表演，到了新加坡水土不服，1年就关张了；新加坡人很闷的，他们从小被灌输集体意识，被告诉什么能做什么不能做，他们缺少创造性；新加坡百姓很苦的，他们在菁英政府管理下被指挥做这个做那个，交这个CPF公积金，交那个medicsave医保，到头来老了还要做工，没有退休金......

写了这么多，好像在这里呆了不到8个月的我，满纸抱怨。其实不是的，我的本意只是希望尽量认识和辩证地看待新加坡，一个尽量真实的新加坡。我知道我还没完全认识新加坡，我仍以最大诚意trust相信新加坡，knowledge认知新加坡，connected 交友新加坡，live 生活在新加坡，(这四个词是新加坡最新公布的环球新加坡world·Singapore的四大特征:诚信、新知、联系、生活，我套用转意一下。：P)

附带说一句，我认识并当作朋友的新加坡人，对我都很友好真诚。（完）

Here's Mine:
6月1号，下了飞机，娘招了辆德士，我行李一丢，字正腔圆地说“去bishan ”

路上顾着跟娘讲话，没发现德士却转到义顺，我提醒了uncle一下我家在碧山，you konw? 碧山？b.i.s.h.a.n?

“哎哟哟，你做墨在aeroport跟偶说要气yeeeeshun? 现在要转出气咯”一口非常本土的华文，注意哦，是华文不是中文哦，中文是中国人用的华文哦。

娘有点听不下去, “uncle, 你听错了是不是？我儿子是说去碧山哦”

“你儿子因文不标准拉”，闽南人分两种：会发后鼻音g的，跟不会发后鼻音g的。偶尔涅，我也发不出来，台湾国的那个被一百万人倒阿扁大总统阿，就怎么都发不出来，惭愧啊惭愧。其实，我觉得呢，我娘半年没看到我，瞬间那母爱就泛滥了亚；但还有另外一种可能，就是半年没人让她骂，憋的亚，小宇宙一发不可收拾地就爆炸了。

“ Unnncle, 开tacxi不是酱紫的，听错就听错，好哇？我们不是在乎那几块钱，多绕的路多算的钱，一分都不会少你，但做人不是酱紫阿，我儿子英文不标准？（此处，冷笑一声，哼）有没有搞错，我们来新加坡要10年了哦，我儿子考过Olevel, Alevel, 现在大学3年级，还英文不标准？（再次，冷笑一声，哼）笑死人哦，是不是不说singlish你就听不懂啊，新加坡是国际都市耶，那你是不是不赚ang mo的钱啊？Unnncle, 做人不是这样子的......”

婆婆妈妈碎碎念起来呢，最厉害的就是让你连抵抗的欲望都没有，直接切腹谢罪好了亚。Uncle应该是自知理亏，但又放不下面子，就草草收场“okay loh, okay loh, 去bishan, 去bishan” 可是涅，婆婆妈妈那个碎念小宇宙一爆发亚，哇赛，那是比singapore river还要源远流长亚，到临下车还要说上两句，“做人不可以酱紫的...”，uncle呢也算识趣，就少收了3块钱。

我娘真屌

solider

2007-06-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

the last surviving KMT C.O. in battle of taier, passed away at 97. for those die hard, we live free, earn it.

reminds me grandpa.

hyperventilated

2007-06-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

saw their poster, walk in walk out. not the first rocknroll album collected, but the first linkin park shelfed.

here's the punch line, leave out all the rest.

when my time comes
forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
don't resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

back in light, roll on.

0515 120507

2007-05-12T05:14:00.000+08:00

woke up, and i reached for laptop, yeeman's sleeping like a baby cuddling his pillow.

all i want to say, you are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

though it was a dream.

back to bed.

that faraway

2007-04-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

April 8th, unless i caught amnesia, dare me not forget that journey. 7 hours of trembling bus ride on the winding highway engraved on the surface of mountain, taking me to the most remote area in this kingdom of mountains. i knew their existence through documentaries on discovery, and only faintest thought exsited in my mind that i would one day visit the place, the Lake Lugu.without the roads, or rather paths it will remain extremely unaccessible; even with the roads, the speed limit could only be 40, not to mention the greet from falling rocks..anyway, that was how we got there, what the driver may consider as making a living, we call it thrills.
we checked in the hostel on Lige peninsula, the one marked by the arrow called La ke's house. the place was quiet, all you could hear was the water washing up the shore, and this is where the mosuos call home. the ethnic minority group has a very small population base of 50000, the matriarchal family system is exactly what the crew from discovery channel wanted the world to know, and the "walking marriage"...i'm not very interested in that though, since humanology isnt my major and i consider it rude to probe into people's private life. so, when those beijing folks eating their toasted wild boar and asking the young house keeper bin mar, whether he has walked into any fine lady's room, they were merely consuming his privacy to satisfy their curiosity..i dont understand why the women seemed more interested or arose by the topic on the dinning table, well, shut the fuck up beijing lady, how nice shall it be if i asked "have you been slept?"..show some respect and table manner, the tradition of theirs isnt a cheap joke of ours.
that is our young house keeper La ke bin mar, only 18...i must admit, the mosuo guys are handsome, high proportion of them are.
his name is er che, 19. we walked into the hostel ran by his cousin ge ruo, wanted to have a couple of drinks. he was kinda shy infront of girl, nevertheless as a boy filled with hospitality in heart. he came over and talked to us, mildly drunk due to the afternoon drinking session. we requested for legends about mosuos, so he spoke like how his grandmother told him years ago when he was still a kiddo cuddling in the arms of hers:

"thousand years ago before the Lake lugu was created, the greedy chieftain commanded the people here, a young boy was asked to do all the laborious work and not given any food as reward. one day, the boy found a cave at the opposite side of mountain where, to his astonishment, a giant fish blocked the entire entrance. he then cut small pieces of meat from the fish, and the wound instantly recovered itself, he was so delighted as then he would not have to worry about his grumbling stomach. days after days, instead of getting weaker, the boy was full of energy, and nobody knew his secret source of food till the greedy chieftain asked his henchmen to follow the boy. how could the chieftain forgo the chance to possess the treasure, so he ordered his men to bring the fish home. it took all the men in the village to pull the fish out of cave, water flooded out as the fish was removed, annihilated the entire village and the people, of course including the greedy chieftain, but surprisingly also the boy. only one granny was spared from annihilation as she jumped into the pig trough when she saw the flood coming, and she became the ancestor of all mosuos. when the furious water calmed down, Lake lugu was formed."

he was so immensed in the story, and he's handsome ain't he? all his brothers and cousins are. late in the night, we dinned in his place. the area was still black-out because the lighting struck the power line previous night. as i walked through the yard in darkness, i raised my head and i swear that was the most clear night sky with countless stars i've ever seen, i didnt reach for my camera as i knew it wouldnt be light-sensitive enough to capture what i saw and was so dazzled at the moment, reluctant to step away from the yard, not a single split second.

it's er che's cat, in mosuo native language, it's er che's "holee"..and we asked what's hello, it sounded like "nokia", but in fact a more accurate version is "norjia", i forgot what's thanks...
it was about to rain when we rented the boat, that wouldnt dampen the spirit for a sail. it looks like a hole in the cluster of cloud, but the water was calm.

the auntie asked if i could give her a hand, i gladly picked the paddle up, and rowed with her. she sang the folk song of mosuo while we headed for camel hill where we could get a comprehensive view of the lake, and sure we did. we chatted abit with the auntie, mother of two. the older boy is in P6, always the top in class; younger girl is in P3, not as good as her brother, but not doing bad in the class. i could feel the proudness in her tone, she raised them up, alone. perhaps that's the greatest comfort she wants.

on the camel hill, sunshine on the right, rain drop on the left...of course not forgetting the rainbow
she said, the kids will one day leave this place, but she will stay. afterall, they've been living in the old house for a few hundred years.

to be continued...

丽江番外篇：束河印象

2007-04-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

藏人的玛尼堆。传说玛尼堆最初称曼扎，意为曼陀罗，是由大小不等的石头集垒起来的、具有灵气的石堆，藏语为“多本”；还有一种是在石块或卵石上刻写文字、图像，以藏传佛教的色彩和内容为其最大特征，有佛尊、动物保护神和永远念不完的六字真言，然后堆积起来成为一道长长的墙垣，这种玛尼墙藏语称“绵当”。每逢吉日良辰，人们一边煨桑，一边往玛尼堆上添加石子，并神圣地用额头碰它，口中默诵祈祷词，然后丢向石堆。天长地久，一座座玛尼堆拔地而起，愈垒愈高。每颗石子都凝结信徒们发自内心的祈愿。玛尼石的产生，使这些自然的石头开始形象化。藏族在漫长的历史进程中，涌现出了浩如烟海的玛尼石刻品，凡人迹所至，随处可见，它是藏族刻在石头上的追求、理想、感情和希望。
束河新镇，去的时候游人不多，三三两两的，偶尔看到花容失色的女游客坐在滇马上，觉得滑稽。
纳西老婆婆，婉拒了我们合照的请求，但还是留下了背影
新镇的边上，前往古镇
村口，白马。
古镇内，纳西老人。
屋檐。
石莲寺。
从石莲寺俯瞰古镇
经文幔纱飞舞。
瞬间。不想多说。

大理精选篇

2007-04-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

古城五华楼，装痞

the catholic church in the town, ealry missionary seeded the religion here through one of the most treacherous mountainous region. The grand hall of the only church in town.

quench my thirst, watermelon.

the town.

蝴蝶泉外，满树的求姻缘的荷包，虽然明令禁止这么做，爱情的力量亚
扎染的衣服，新鲜出炉

TBC

大理番外篇：理发店

2007-04-19T18:27:00.000+08:00

大理的风花雪月不过是过分商业化的噱头，苍山洱海披着古朴的外衣，灵魂深处早被精明能干的商人开发得面目全非。在那两天的走走停停，没有太多的眷恋。什么白族人的纯朴，那都是屁。到处都是被严重汉化的少数民族，纯朴是什么？是用来招揽客人还可以用来讨价还价的一个个客栈招牌，首饰，工艺品。讽刺的是，走在大理古城的洋人街上，才觉得有那么几分自在。

到大理的第一天晚上，踏着故意铺得参差不起的石板路在古城里闲逛。大多店家都意料外早早的打烊了，小吃店外各种食材懒洋洋地被晾在门外，看店的小妹冷不防地朝路过的人客喊一声：“进来吃吧，大理砂锅鱼，好吃的哟”，若是没被搭理，她便继续趴在饭桌上看着当晚的10点档，安逸自得。这幅光景，大概也就在淡季的大理才能看得到吧。回绝了数个店家的招安，才恍然自己已经走到昏暗路灯所不能及的街道岔口，这么着才发现了这家理发店。

准确地说，是这家理发店发现了我。驻足门外的时候，店里已经坐了两个旅人，弹琴的老人抱着类似琵琶的乐器，西南民乐萦绕着附近空荡的街道，听不懂其中的三音六谱却还是想在那儿站上一下。坐在门外的老人甚是热情的，连连招呼着，我便捡了冷落在一边的小板凳，挨着褪色的墙脚，听上了。一曲作罢，弹琴的老人在稀稀落落的掌声中腼腆的笑了，像是不想独自承担这份walk-in的殊荣, 他连连称赞那个招呼我的老人曲子唱的好，便动身取了京胡，将主角的身份全权转交给了自己的搭档。店里互不相识的几个人，一起起哄着，门口的老人恭恭敬敬地清了清嗓子，即时来了一段云南花灯。调子几乎都是高亢的，时而峰回路转，时而幽霾深长，但大都是高亢的。唱罢，拉胡的老人欲罢不能，听曲的人也没有丝毫辞意，他说刚才的曲子太悲伤了，要来一首愉悦的。唱曲的老人连吐了几口痰，想那么高亢的曲调必是对声道损害不小，可他唱到兴致上大概也都无所谓了，也许明天喝上几碗大理凉茶就复原了，凉茶天天都有，可是兴致却来去匆匆，没把握到就从琴弦缝中溜走了。

店里墙上挂满了两人当年意气风发的照片，还有各种各样的电动剃刀，杂乱之下相得益彰。弹琴的老人年轻时候长得像个学者，鼻子上架着文革时最不离经叛道的黑色厚框眼镜。现在老人的脸像团被岁月揉过的面团，依稀还能看到些许的羞涩隐藏在眼缝里，逃过了时间。同在店里的一个姑娘发现老人年轻时抱着小提琴的相片，惊叹道：“您还会小提琴亚？”，他只是哼了一声，没有多说什么。唱曲的老人，年轻的时候是抗美援朝的志愿兵。棕色像框里是他穿着草绿色的军装，一脸严肃写着保家卫国，相片下面是战友的合照，墙上还钉了一张老战士聚会的通知，却也不知当年的战友现在还剩下几个。

离开的时候，帮两个老人照了张相，答应了他们会寄回去。拍的模糊了，可能他们对我的记忆也是一样的吧。

flooded thought

2007-04-19T01:11:00.000+08:00

dwarfed by the horizon, i lived in the box and you lifted the lid, so that the light showered on me...i really want to pen down the magnificence i saw, the people i met, the spring blossom that scent the air, the water thudering down the gorge, the snow that vanished in my palm, the shy smile of the village girl as the sun falling west, the mantra of the tibetan monks echoing down the hallway and my slushed converse sneaker just like the graffiti in new york metro station, making no art sense but telling the journey i wade through...

i need to sort out my thoughts on the journey, for it remains in eternity.

back to light.

2007-04-17T11:23:00.000+08:00

Notice: i m still alive.

to be continued...

离岛

2007-03-18T15:02:00.000+08:00

南丫岛上的餐厅，让我想到settler's cafe

海滩上
田园风光
某户人家，落花满地

小径

黄叶

有点凄凉

海边餐厅，老板养了两只哈奇士（应该是吧），一公一母，还有一只皮毛黑白相间根本不把这两只狗当回事的猫

i m treating them cookies..

眼神无辜

isnt she a beauty.

微笑的狗

面朝大海

离开前.

introduce...the room and the men

2007-03-06T00:15:00.000+08:00

improvised candy box...

sunny day

the men in the room

alive.

2007-03-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

exactly a month since my last entry. i m doing fine, life rolls on in the way that is supposed to be, without much intervention, free roaming in short. no more mechanical, i feel the robustness never been exploited before, like discovering virgin land. perhaps, too refrained in the past, emancipation is now, even though petty objection never falls behind.

what makes my room sweet: i could listen to the sound of waves washing up the shore everyday, every sunday morning i could see windsurfing boards with all kinds of color on the mast as if God spills his paint on the sea..well, i saw a pink one this morning, who's the owner? Hello Kitty? anyway, it's a cozy place that i barely want to leave on sunday. Yeeman returned early today, usually he would spent the weekend at home but he made his early entrance today at 11am when i was dreaming on his bed, he's got 3 pillows on that tiny bed and i cant resist the comfort that implies.

another cold front's coming tomorrow, he told me with scoffed look, it would hit as low as 14 degree, can you believe that today's 24 !! relax, dude i will treat you with the fried rice. he's got a mini refrigerator, though most of the time i used up most of the space available, couple of hand s of beer would reduce the inventory capacity to the minimum, but that's occassional and only when he's not around..nice that he wouldnt complain or declare his righteous ownership..glad that he is my roomie.

i dont like OR2 class, the professor's notes are everywhere on the board and she insists doing so and no reference will be given to the dismay...the students in the class are jokes, utterly undisciplined, their conversation in the class is as though they are in the canteen for some tea-break chitchat, bunch of assholes... i couldnt agree more when chelsea whispered to me during class "i wish they shut up"

midterms are coming up before march ends, presentations would be fun i guess, i m ranked veteran in the marketing group and there's an eyecandy from hall 3...

海盗船

2007-02-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

it's awesome to be sitting at the last row. madness. putting camera through extreme test.

night at sai kung

2007-02-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

fisher man's harvest.
the sea food village.
at the pier. cold. my mao's bag. missing you.

terminator

2007-01-27T00:58:00.000+08:00

oh boy, it's a serious toy

self-explanatory

2007-01-26T00:43:00.000+08:00

a cantonese speaking recycle bin...eye opener, it even said "thank you" after photo taking, what's next? an aircon shouts "freeze" ?

http://community.webshots.com/user/lonergy

spent the whole day in disney, freakingly drained, and i bought the annual pass...too many pictures, i will upload them slowly..

preview..eye candy on the ferry, for fun

137. when i m gone. backpacker.

2007-01-22T19:08:00.000+08:00

i'd be back.

2 years

2007-01-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

17th Jan 2005, i keyed down the first entry on this blog..to think that i made it this far, i m glad i took the proposal from ant, though this bloody idiot has long stopped his entry since june 24 2006. what now? guess i will continue to use lonergy to vent my frustration and write more nonsense and as a record of life. life could be great, though i hold cynical view on it, will improve on that, give me two more years.

been importing albums after albums into laptop, it's a pain but i need to do it, since those tracks could be my salvation for many lonely nights to come, that is if i will ever feel lonely, will i not? being hardly on mood swing, will i change circumstancing to a new environment? what will i learn outa all this? will i see no light? will i weep? will i smile? will i screw up? will i miss the soup mom made? will i be bored? will i be loved? will i be blind? will i be a better man? answers soon be unveiled.

1607150107

2007-01-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

it's hilarious, tried out the facial recognition test to see which celebrities that share same look as me, or humbly, to whom the stars i look like, here are the stats:

araon kwok 64%; won bin 64%; michelle yeoh 63%; hirosue ryoko 61%; son ye-jin 61%, it's gotta be kidding and getting ridiculously funny; takenouchi yutaka 60%; jet li 60%; patrick stewart 57%, what next? i shall go for audition for young captain jean luc picard or professor X? stephen chow 56%

cut my hair, now i look like a over-grown-junior-school-dropout-retainee, i m not fussy about it, afterall i m 64% alike araon kwok, 56% alike stephen chow, you see..mapping isnt as smooth as i thot, damn, but it will turn out fine. shoot me, somebody, i bought another cap...

silence talks. patience pays.

2007-01-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

rainy friday night. upper thomson's turned into a swarm again, sandbags barely held back the muddy water, they didnt seem to learn from the lesson. fine, blame the radical weather. the past 72 hours was an enriching personal experience, learnt the art to play it cool, erm may be not so cool, at least i tried; sorry that i had to pressure vincci to the brink of losing her trust, being the stakeholder and committing all the resources i had to gather any useful information, i was still gaining no share of certainty. Thank lord, i m put through. i'd be back home, at all cost. forgive me, if i had been nasty. i m a kind soul in general, occassionally a prick..

ay, i'd explain to you some other time why you would see my name appearing on the list.

silent moment.

2007-01-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

去了 alley bar 小酌了一杯，约上了自己。

想是新年的高潮已过，bar 里面门可罗雀，三三两两的人散落一地。也不知道发的什么疯，就是想坐在吧台的角落，menu上点一杯自己从来没有喝过的，装着一副历经沧桑的模样，就只是这样，听听不太听得懂的爵士音乐，听听时间溜走的声响，听听这几天难得的恬静。再过3个月，我便存在于这个世间22年头了，而那个酒保大概也只有我的年纪，不可得知他的这份工作是出于兴趣而忽略了生计还是为了生计而放弃了兴趣，我只知道他今天的客人，不多。胡渣扎手了，应该刮胡子了。突然觉得很有趣，razor 这个东西，既可以被人用来刮除肤体上坚硬的毛发，也可以被人用来刮破左手动脉，想必这也是它的发明者始料未及的吧。

"why you frown when you drink?" 路人甲问道
" i didnt know it's bitter " 我答道
'' c'mon, let me buy you a drink, cool? what's your pick?"
虽然不太习惯他的怪里怪气, 我礼貌性地回送给他狡黠的微笑
"sure, the same that i m having will do."
" i thought it's bitter?"
" it's ok, i m getting used to it."

all i m trying to do is to make sense on the things i do and i gonna do, more than frequent though, they dont make sense on me.

回到家，旧电影又看了一遍，渐渐地，喜欢上了它的插曲。而那个路人甲，我始终还是觉得他是个gay.

逸才

2007-01-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

路上的痴男怨女光鲜亮丽，刺眼地让我无所适从。扒下那一层的皮肉，不过是一滩不堪的龌龊血水。女人身上的香水，掩饰着那股世俗的腥臭，毕竟只是掩饰，让自己沉沦得从容一些，也延续着无知男人对她们的遐想，精神上你情我愿的调情，调剂着枯燥反复的岁末夜，满街的LV, Gucci奢侈得让人作呕。离我，远点，今天愤世嫉俗，右手中指是我对你的唯一尊敬。生活像是一根劣制的香烟，虽然无味，但你最后还是义无反顾地上瘾了。人群中，” happy new year ” 像是无痛呻吟的告白，年复一年的台词，廉价的祝福，似一出二流的舞台剧博得的不过是观众麻木的笑声，何必呢？作贱自己也糟蹋我对你们仅存的好感，不，是糟蹋了我对赋予狗屁人格的可怜虫们仅存的惋惜。辞旧迎新不过是你的噱头般的逻辑，我说，那又怎样？对你而言，年复一年不过是从蹈覆辙的同义词，仅此而已。

岁末，左边牙痛，想去北海道看雪祭，革命尚未成功，同志仍需努力，自勉。

murphy's law.

2006-12-31T02:15:00.000+08:00

things will go wrong in any circumstance, if i give them the chance. well then, i have been generous, not exactly in the fashion that favours myself. in short, i'm alittle bit screwed recently. Lord, please help me and carry me through. i thought they were just petty stuffs.

just when i m in mammoth need to communicate with UST, the earthquake on 26th fuelled my anxiety to the top gear, 'cause the receipt of email is 19 hours delayed. i cant imagine how that digital signal or whatever you would name it, floated around in the air, or in that underwater cable for 19 hours?! forget it, that's not within my capability to amend, and patience is a virtue. and damn me, i didnt foresee the two consecutive long weekends, which is the best timing to clear leaves especially for the white collars who have been stuck to stink in tiny office cubicals for a year. just great, i took it for granted, and now my inbox has vast varieties of auto-replies with one unanimous theme "i m on leave". add to the worse, UST is not offering the modules that i have mapped a year ago as they changed the module codes and some crashes in the timetable, so here i m, back to frenzy state of searching modules and write in to professors on both sides, begging for permission and goodness me, they did respond in real time as i clicked the send button, just adding to auto-reply collections of "i m on leave" messages in the inbox...

i seriously hope everything will be fine though i m in no mood to wait...and what the holy butterhead, the 5 time MVP michael jordan divorced?!

60% ?!

2006-12-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

bankcrap.

2006-12-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

if this is the christmas surprise, i will curse at the santa clause...UST emailed me 3 days ago regarding the financial issues, demanded for bankstatement; i have already sent the income tax slip to them and now they asked for bankstatement, how wonderful just before christmas when everyone's got no mood for work in excitement for the long weekend coming up. posb didnt keep the promise that the bankstatement would be ready within a day, so now had to wait until this long weekend is over, so that the documents could be faxed, no more surprise please..

furthermore, i had been calling the bank for past 2 days, the waiting time was simply too long, the tender voice "please hold, your call is important to us, we will attend to you shortly" wasnt very comforting, and all i wanted to know was whether i could issue a cheque in US dollars 'cause federal insurance co. only accpets US dollars for payment, waited and waited and waited, the answer i got was NO, fantastic..so went posb, requested for a bankdraft that carries US dollars, and the bank exchange rate was 1 to 1.54 and later when i was strolling on orchard road, the exchange display in the indian money changer store squeezed inbetween malls was only 1.52..that's extortion from the bank, and worse, u gotta comply..

i had enough of bankcrap today, maybe i shall work in the bank after graduation, it's madness amount of money they are earning from people like you and me...

七年

2006-12-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

我悄悄地延续着父亲的宿命，不可自拔地沦陷在她的身影之中。缘分，也许就是轮回。所欠父母的太多太多，却又无法清洗血液里的叛逆，倔强地坚持着无用的自尊。他说过，像个男人一样，不许哭，我却认为那是人性的压抑；他说过，这个世界很大，要去闯，我却认为家才是我最后的归属；他说过，他不曾后悔，我却认为那是他为了掩饰文革过去的种种，自欺欺人的以为。一来一往之中，道不同，却无法不相为谋，儿子只能带着顺从的面具，反叛的嘴角微微上扬。或者，认识母亲是他这一生最美好的回忆，我不得而知。虽然放弃了一切跟随了这个固执的男人，但母亲从未因为生活在他的影子里而后悔，相夫教子就是她的事业。已经泛黄的书信夹杂在印着毛主席头像的大红色笔记本里，那是她逝去的青春的全部，那是是她的精神堡垒。我不曾翻阅过，想必她也不会让我一窥究竟，毕竟那是一个女人毕生最私密的回忆，那就让它停留在青涩。我现在的所为，如果成为另一个人的记忆板块，不也何尝如此。或许，当他们两人相互依偎着渐渐老去，当我成家立业，我才能体会父亲的用心良苦，才能了解为什么他不许我哭泣，为什么男人的眼泪一文不值，为什么是自己的，就要自己去争取。但现在，我还是希望带点孩子气般地反抗他的理念，仅是一味的顺从，岂不是辜负了从他身上遗传下来的固执的基因。 get me right, i m who i m.

随想随笔，写在来新七年整

hey jude.

2006-12-16T02:11:00.000+08:00

to amanda.

179. illinois. your hand.

2006-12-12T07:50:00.000+08:00

fuck it, i feel awful, in really bad shape, in the same state of poignancy , when i sent my grandma off..the 0500am airport was cold, not even the coffee in hand could stop the chill. i pretended to take it easy, putting up faint smile on face, but in fact that's not the case. i was thinking if i were in Graham's shoes in the holiday, would i do the same thing when Amanda packed the bags and leaving for LA..it turned out that i was just a clone of Graham, spoke no sweet lines, and wept like a baby, sorry i didnt keep my words..ok, so the long lost sentimental side of mine is back, i thought i wasn't born with one, and this time, i m rounded up. she said " i was expecting you.", i can tell that easily, though i was told not to make the appearance..and the 1st lesson is: read whatever the ladies say in opposite, that's what they really want. zc, you were right, i owe you big time. thanks for the hug, and i shall have cuddled longer and tighter, but well, people were watching and i had to let go the hand reluctantly, drawing away the last bit of warmth from her body. worry not, i have registered every detail in my tiny brain, all of them. pacific ocean is my enemy now, 179 days i wont lose the count. somehow a year ago, my cousin was right when she bought me the little cross with 4 leaved clover embedded, "you will give it to her, whoever she is", i laughed it off and gave her the face i-dont-believe-in-that..my dearest beloved cousin's good, she should become the fortune teller, as that little cross is now dangling on a motorola razor phone 10,o00 feets above the ground and i only noticed it at the check-in gate. well, this is it, happy landing in illinois, and weeper is gone.

just random

2006-12-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

watched the holiday, had a long walk, a real long walk, memories flooding back, and it's a wonderful sunday night. my room's windy, with that tinge blend of green scent, must be the rain. why are we exchanging the life stories? 'cause i cant find any reason why we shouldnt..regarding betrayal, i guess somehow we all experience it one way or another, mild or intense, perhaps the best resolution among the worst to me, is to compartmentalize my life so as to minimize the damage, and i wont lead a malfunctioning life, ok, may be partially malfunctioning but overall i m still kicking up a good life and laughing at the miseries. it's hypothetical, not everyone has a crystal ball that reads into future. he said, you are on your own, solider; since when i m not, since when?

D-day plus one

2006-12-06T18:25:00.000+08:00

i permit myself to be in the blank mode for the next 24 hours, and it's extendable.

agenda:

1. christmas deco
2. finish the book
3. throw away the notes, yea, throw them away
4. frame up my helpsheets?! think twice, 'cause i could never surpass terry's seven columns of wanders
5. re-arrange the CDs, they look messy
6...still formulating, 5 is enough for now

i gonna write a letter. out.

for my reference

2006-12-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

Christmas and what..ANOVA?!

2006-11-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

christmas mood's kicking in...

how sweet..and bitter

2006-11-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

message no 331
from tan zc
date 29/11/2006
time 23:09
subject "Good luck for ur engine prof tml. I wont be able to experience the pain u r going through.. Haha.."

e.prof is only appetizer, what come next are the main courses..and i sincerely from the bottom of my heart wish that the yankees will notice you in a slightly unfortunate sense, no more vacancy for mechanical engineering ethics in ASU, and for Christ's sake, it's mechancial engineering ethics! you traitor! you are ISE! i cant believe hay's actually approved it, what have you done to him? but in any case, due to unforeseeable nature of your life, i will keep the materials that i m reading now exclusively for your future reference..it's ok, you dont need to be grateful to that, i m doing you a favour. haha.

e.com is really hell lotsa things to read up..and if i survive these 7 days 6 papers of roller coaster rides examination, i will sing happy birthday to myself, 'cause it feels like being born again...and somebody or anybody, plesase treat me something or anything after next tuesday, i need to be rewarded. haha.

going to eat banana.

无聊

2006-11-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

on msn...
我：“我刚泡杯面”
安宇同学：“我刚吃pocky, dark choco”
我：“我可以email你我的杯面哦，现在科技发达了”
安宇同学：“好啊，没试过”

took pic, uploaded, hotmail, sent...

安宇同学：“不是吧”
安宇同学：“是不是我看了就会饱？”
我：“嗯”

后来才发现，下面的纸是m.log midterm II。。。

she's having baby and that's why she gets married

2006-11-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

the bride and bridegroom down the way...
strangely, it was the bridegroom who was almost in tear..dude, you gotta be strong nice vocal band there...

ok, probably you cant tell that she's bearing a five month old baby girl, the gown did the trick. Dd's gorgeous, wasnt she? now 25, she's the bride, 4 months later she will be the mom, too bad i wont be here for the baby's 1st month celebration.. and according to her, she cant wait for the baby to see the light, 'cause it's simply ''torturing''..thank Lord, i m a man, and i m spared from symptoms like morning sickness, constipation, dizziness, fatigue, heartburn etc when you have a new life in ya belly..i thought catholics are very concerned with pre-marital pregnancy, but well, the only remedy to that is to get married offically fast, at least before the baby's kicking up..my mom had me at the same age as Dd, so look at me now, i m pretty sure her daughter will be great..she grabbed me, and asked "so when is your turn, Mr. ever-single-yet-not-available?", that's a very pre-mature question for a 21 year old, but rest assured Dd, i will be cautious and i will not get my girl pregnant in the accidental fashion.after hugging goodbye with Dd, the guys claimed that night was still young and shall go for cups of drinks at clark quay..they offered me to go MOS, but clubbing wasnt my game, anyway i still had alcohol, too much hospitality to resist. and hit home at 15 pass twelve, got scolded for neglecting the calls, wasnt my fault entirely 'cause the phone was dead..quite amazed that i could still wake up 8am this morning and went school, think i m immuned to alcohol.

i like my mao's shirt.

书中自有颜如玉

2006-11-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

这两天ibm lab不让进，所以转移阵地到中文馆。昨天一长得很出水芙蓉，国色天香的同学坐我对面，真是的，让我心不在焉一整天；今天又回到中文馆，谁人知，出水芙蓉，国色天香又出现了。黄色斑点上衣，牛仔裤，还有粉红色的指甲油。没心思读书，真是苦恼。还好明天ibm重新开放，我是不可以再踏入中文馆了。

在中文馆读书也不是没有收获，来一首诗

最后的那一天

在春风不再回来的那一年
在枯枝不再青条的那一天
那时候天空再没有光照
只黑朦朦地妖氛弥漫着
太阳，月亮，星光死去了的空间
在一切标准推翻的那一天
在一切的虚伪与虚荣与虚空
赤裸的灵魂们，匍匐在主的跟前
我爱，那时间你我不必再张皇
更不须声诉，辩冤，再不必隐藏
你我的心，像一朵雪白的并蒂莲
在爱的青梗上秀挺，欢欣，鲜艳
在主的跟前，爱是唯一的容光

徐志摩

tuber's back

2006-11-19T18:33:00.000+08:00

the girl's cool in the video, and she's wearing converse..

random

2006-11-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

cut my hair, finally it doesnt look like a bird nest anymore...fixing the desktop, on demand from dad, as stubborn as ever, no room for negotiation, so spent the whole afternoon transferring the files from desktop to the laptop, and deleted some then realizing i did keep some useless stuffs, such as exam papers and some silly photos...went out for a walk, saw a new pet food store in the neighbourhood, the shop owner had a maltese, probably 2 or 3 years old with a strand of hair tied up with pink ribbon, but i do think that if anyone wanna make a good business outa this neighbourhood, just open a veterinary, residents here have all kinds of pets.

been pondering, the truth that i m seeking, but what if it's too disturbing to be handled;
compromised once, i had paid the price; i m not gonna let go this chance, opportunity cost once a life time.

11:09pm, i had a bad dream...i fear of losing her, so i said in the name of Christ, stay with me.

36

2006-11-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

cant believe i stayed in school for 36 hours just to get project sim done, everyone of us were drained, i meant seriously drained...so, stepping outa ise lab in the early morning of 6am after burning up the last bit of energy on Nov 14, qz proposed to get some sleep in usp block since he's got a key to some function room, i gladly accpeted the sweet offer from qz...i fell asleep quick, and until qz woke me up at 9am, i ate all my words about how sweet he was...and when i stepped outa that function room and trying to get some water, i was greeted with a girl's loud giggling "qz! you slept with a guy in the room", that's the moment i felt like stuffing my middle finger into her nostril, and told her to bitch off, and that's the consequence of messing up with someone who had stared at the laptop over 10 hours and 3 hours of nap wasnt gratifying at all...

had roti prata as breakfast, and tin bought me cup of coffee before the 10am e.prof lecture started, and i mastered a new trick: imitating the way wikrom speaks, that's purely self-entertainment...

below is something that made me laugh, and zc i m helping you to improve ya chinese, and then you will really laugh from bottom of ya heart, if you have one..haha

一：每次她跟我说：“快点说你爱我”的时候我只能回答“我爱你”，而我每次这样要求她的时候，她只会回答：“你爱我”。
　　
二：每次她摸我肚子的时候，她总会说“好大的肚子”，而我摸她肚子的时候她总会说：“轻点，BB在里面”。晕死。　
　
三：每次坐车或是走路不小心坐上或弄歪了她的提包时，她总是会说：“压死人家的包了。” 　
　
四：每次经过那些丰胸或者是胸罩的广告时，她总会不由自主地对我说：“我也想像那个女人那样子。” 　　

五：夜晚在海边沙滩漫步的时候，我把一个椰子壳扔到海里，她说：“如果椰子能被海浪冲回来，那么我们就会一辈子幸福。”扔出后，我才后悔刚刚扔的力度太大，在我不断地喊着“上帝保佑”约三分钟之后，椰子终于被冲回了沙滩。　
　
六：她家的狗对我一直没什么好感，但是我一直坚信：“重赏之下必有勇夫。”于是第一次我拿着她家的狗食喂狗，但是她家的狗不屑一顾地走开了。第二次我带着和女朋友在麦当劳吃剩的食物喂它，我把那些肉骨拿在手上不断地在那只狗面前不断地晃动，一边跟它说：“看着我，记得我的样子。下次我过来别再叫了。”但是那只狗的目光却始终随着我手中的肉骨游走，根本不在乎我长得什么样，她却在旁边笑得人仰马翻。　　

七：一般我去她家吃完饭我都会帮她洗碗，这时她立即像小猴一样蹦过来蹦过去，经常站在我旁边指指点点：“这个要洗干净点，那个用水多冲一下，筷子不要放这里。”我立即做势脱掉手套跟她说：“不要再唧唧歪歪了，你自己过来洗吧。”她立即以百米冲刺的速度跑回到电视面前坐下头也不回。　　

八：头一天晚上我才跟她说：“我大四的时候很喜欢黎明，我觉得他穿西服的样子很优雅，很有气质，特别是在《无间道3》中的样子，简直是极度有型。”结果第二天报纸娱乐版头版头条：“黎明被爆闺房乐乐基儿纵欲30日吸干男友。”于是我又被她狠狠地鄙视了一番。
　　
九：有一次我把手机忘在宿舍，然后自己出去吃饭，回来之后看到她的未接来电，于是立即复电给她，她在那边不依不饶地说：“为什么我打你手机总是听见一个女人的声音？”我立即吓得一身冷汗赶忙问：“怎么可能，哪个女人，她跟你说什么。”她很不满地地抱怨“那个女人不断地跟我说：您打的电话暂时无法接通，请稍后再拨。”我倒！
　　
十：每天晚上她总是打电话催我睡觉，但是我总是爱打机打到很晚，她每次一定要听到我关机的声音才肯睡觉。为了敷衍她的胡搅蛮缠，我一般都是注销一下，然后把音响的声音开好大，然后告诉她：“听到了吧，关机的声音。好了，我洗洗睡了，你也睡吧。”等她挂了电话我再继续玩，但是后来一个周末的早晨她过来找我发现我的电脑正在挂机，没办法，只好老实交代，坦白从宽。　
　
十一：：我们去一个民族村玩，里面有个鱼池，导游小姐给了我四根鱼叉，就是投掷的那种，往鱼池里面像投标枪那样投，如果能投中鱼的话可以把鱼拿走。我连投了三根都没投中，于是我恼火了，我立即走到鱼聚集的池边，趴下身去，对准一群鱼的背部猛扎了下去，导游小姐立即在那边叫：“不是让你瞄准去扎是让你投啊。”但是她说得太迟了，一条鱼已经被我扎中了，但是在我把它提到半空的时候，鱼又滑下去了。她立即冲过来把我拖走了，一边还不停地唠叨：“可怜的鱼，今晚一定痛得睡不着了。”“没事，它老婆一定会好好服侍它的。”
　　
十二：她经常对我说：“我什么都听你的，你是一家之猪（主）嘛。”这时我必须赶紧更正：“哪里，我们家你和小白兔是领导，我只是苦力。”这样的回答才能让她满意。（注：小白兔是将来我和她结婚后生的女儿的名字，真是长远规划高瞻远瞩。都不知道是男是女，我曾经问过她如果是男的怎么办，她说叫“小黑猪”。我晕死，再说我也不姓“小”啊。）　　

十三：在她家吃饭的时候，她总是会看看我的腿是否翘着二郎腿，如果是的话，她会立即把我的拖鞋踢飞，搞得我苦笑不得，后来她老爸也看不下去了，再她把我的拖鞋一脚踢飞之后她老爸迅速出脚把她的拖鞋踢飞了，一边对她说“看你再踢他的。”我立即冲了出去帮她把拖鞋拣了回来。

十四：当我和她一起看完电影《南极大冒险》，她很喜欢里面的雪橇犬，特别是里面的一只叫“麦克斯”的很聪明的犬，她想让我把网名改为这个，但是我却不予理会，因为我更喜欢电影里面一只袭击雪橇犬的特别凶猛的海豹，后来她熬不过我，还是让我把网名改为“南极大海豹”。
　　
十五：：有一次我在白云山上住了一晚，那晚我打电话给她，那时她还不是我女朋友，因为夜风很凉夜很静，所以我用很低沉的嗓音跟她说话，她说我的声音很有磁性，让我学电台的DJ说话，于是我就学电台里面情感点歌节目的DJ说话给她听，她听主持点歌节目的我的声音入迷了。后来她告诉我就在那天她被我深深地感染了，于是后来她又不断要求我在夜深的时候学电台DJ说话，被她缠不过，我只好继续学，不过我再也没有学过主持情感点歌的DJ，我一般都是学那些主持“不孕不育专家会诊”和关于“性病如何医治”的节目给她听，结果是被她骂个半死。
　　
十六：前天她跟我说：“猪，我后天不去你那里看你了，改在明天过去。”我问为什么，她说：“因为后天珍珠要去找你。”因为当时我并不知道台风要来，于是我就问：“哪个珍珠啊？男的还是女的啊？我都不认识。你怎么知道她来？”她咯咯地笑着说：“珍珠当然是女的啦，她去你那所以我就不能去你那了，免得打扰你们。”我赶忙解释：“我都不知道是谁，反正没关系啦，即使她来你过来也不要紧嘛，你才是我女朋友嘛，我请你们两个吃饭就是了。”她笑晕了。后来我才知道，原来要来的台风叫“珍珠”，真是被她玩死了。

that's not Mr.Kapo's...

2006-11-12T12:10:00.000+08:00

look what i found when i m trying to get the certs...

subjectless

2006-11-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

chased outa ibm lab by the security guard again...damn, presentation, presentation...

way to go before i could complete my helpsheet, so what? i wonder why i m concerned, there're zillions of things could perk me up, but i m blind...this time i've got enough cash in the wallet to get the cup of coffee to the street artist before he knocked off, he needed it more than me, and i quitted that long time ago..

the package's here, ready to pack my bags and pick up pens and the notepad, i m good to go if visa doesnt screw up like zc's...dad said to me when i just got my butt home near 12, "the account is active over there, fund's in, get the cash card from me before you leave", stunned for awhile, all i could respond was " that's cool "..i never knew he's so cool, threw me that 3 lines and he's back to the bedroom, i thought he's just a stubborn dude who only needs me to boot up the desktop when he wants to access the intranet...ok, fine, i m wrong, he's a cool father, stubborn nevertheless

大闸蟹

2006-11-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

秋天将逝，大闸蟹不可错过。。。所以simulation课都没完，就先走人了，要是老大知道我是为了crab而逃课，一定会说我是crap，又要碎碎念说我是没出息的东西。哈，管他嘞，秋天要过了，一过就又要等一年了。

餐厅在marine cove，东海岸，环境还不错，视觉上的感觉是橘色系。其实上次5月6号 night cycling就是从那里附近出发的，各位ise的同志们，不知还记得否。。。其实，这里的大闸蟹虽然是从江苏太湖来的，可是好像香港的太湖大闸蟹比较好吃，也可能是最近食欲不佳，所谓的美味也变得不过如此。但，好像也是很久没有这么放松地吃东西了，光是嗑那只1.5个拳头大的蟹，就嗑了半个多钟头。

吃饱喝足，就在东海岸的沙滩上走了走，怎么说我刚来新加坡的时候就在这里住了两年多，到月底就满来新7年了，7年之痒阿。。。突然间想到那个棕发蓝眼的德国邻居和他那个喜欢从我家门缝看电视小baby，那时他好像刚上幼稚园，看到我还会hallo, hallo，而我那年14岁。抽离回忆，又想到老大会说我没出息，虽然是玩笑话（我希望），但想想，觉得有时自己还真的没出息。叹，没出息怎么办？突然灵光一现，没出息的话就去开书pub，要有大片大片的落地窗；书架绝对不可以是nus图书馆的那种，会吓跑客人的；书架上的书绝对不会分类，觉得对味有缘分，就拿下来看；要有lounge bar的感觉，饮料呢，要有果醋，咖啡要多奶，milk shake要少糖依此类推；后面要有个小庭院来种竹子，铺满鹅软石，放上几座镂空铁制的茶座；书pub的制服是绿色的大围兜，上面要放书pub的名字，诶，名字是什么还没想好。。。somebody slaps me to wake me up please

海风有点大，帽子的情绪很不稳定，身后的咖啡座传来maria carey的dont forget about us，要是身边多个他，感觉会差很多吧。没带眼镜的老妈忽然很兴奋地说：“有人在溜猪，猪欸。”，拜托有点常识好不好，猪的腿有那么长吗？猪有蹄的！那是只伙食办得不错的狗啦

ps: 陈水扁被起诉了，100块新台币值回票价了，捧场贴的倒扁贴纸接着贴吧

star what the...

2006-11-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

Darth Vader in pinky hello kitty outfit:"where's my pink light sabre? i gonna show the jedis, fear me..."

the republic commando:" mom, i want to go home, darth vader's gone nuts.."

emergenceday, bite me

2006-11-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

at last, i went through the e.prof final report again, uploaded and just let me rest in peace; later in afternoon, still have the presentation for e.com, i m still working on it, perfecting on my points trying to deliver as well as my accent...

had an interesting conversation in ibm lab, 10pm with t.wan, she suggested that cw out of appearence looked like a chinese national...and, it's kinda beyond my imagination that cw is my countryman, it is just hard for me. i m happy and comfortable to blend with locals and my countrymen and all other nationals in the class, i m pretty much enjoying that, and i just wonder how they regard me as...it's not a big deal, i always carry the identity with me, i m not Bourne..

back to slides.

just a thought..

2006-10-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

"but if u pray for everybody, it is the same that u don't pray for anybody"

that's philosophical..

it was yesterday

2006-10-29T08:56:00.000+08:00

ok, fine, i woke up late today, late for the meeting with terry and t.gao...waking up on not-so-hazy saturday morning, and crawlled off bed with phone in hand, and the first text message i read was "where r u?" so i texted back while throwing away the jeans in order to reach my shorts, "home, getting dressed now, entertain yaself first"

i did feel bad for being late, so when i see the drink store at engine canteen was open, amazed and delighted, the aunite was so so beautiful, she's the star of the day...and two cups of milk tea sent my gulity away, but soon i realized i forgot to buy one cup for t.gao, and being too lazy to turn back, i decided that if i see both terry and t.gao in ibm lab, i would just say:"sorry guys, i m late, i bought tea for you two." then i would turn away and drown myself at the water cooler...it turned out to be not so bad, i was the second EARLIEST and i insisted on that, sometimes phrasing a word makes a difference, and more importantly, i can have that cup of milk tea, i needed it seriously..

we relocated to ise lab then, 'cause there was some tiling work outside ibm lab, and when i saw tiles being smashed by the jammer, i was thinking:" that's my money smashed away "...and can u imagine how psychopathic the ise lab administrators are? they screwed a glass panel onto the remote of the aircon, so that any attempt to adjust the room temperature slightly above 21 degree celsius would be declared futile, and those jet-engine-sized aircons overhanging there would warmly take away our body temperature, how sweet...

that's enough of my griping...

the work flowed cool, we managed to do some proper work, writing the paper like some policy makers as if the world will go nuts without us, and two days back we were concerned with amount of bullshit we were short of, and now we are concerned with how to reduce it...had my lunch again, in the ise lab where you will find the picture of a big cross over burger and drink.. anw, only the burger crossed out, it never cross out indonesia grilled chicken with rice...and i regret volunteering to throw away the trash, think i took it too hard for being late on a SATURDAY morning, and i bought the milk tea, didnt i?

i bumped a lab TA on the way out and the smell of indonesia grilled chicken gave me in..."no food in the lab." she said, i wanted to explain to her that it was only the burger being crossed, then again, thinking i still have 3 more semesters here, i swallowed that..." i was too hungry to move, so i asked my friend to buy food for me.." i must be possessed at that moment to come out with the worst excuse, but she laughed and let me go, people are not so square on saturday hur? and i bypassed this mechanical engine A/P meng qiang's office, the stereo in the room was blasting chinese songs that could be tracked beyond my birth, and i stood there a mintue getting amused..

left the lab at 7pm, and terry's got to go his friend's house to draft out another paper, poor thing...t.gao commented that both our bags were huge, adding to his comment, i said to terry, " imagine two of us are backpacking in lyon or somewhere, and blonds walking past us.." and before i could finish, here came the shocker reminder:"we are not even out of the door of ise lab"...spoiler, cant terry just be naive abit?

lucy's having baby

2006-10-25T19:21:00.000+08:00

i think lucy's pregnant, she's grew fatter, she has ignored me for past two weeks, she's usually responsive when i whistled at her, and she would approach me, that's what i call trans-species charm, and now, her stomach's ballooning and she's always lying in the corner giving me that cold stare...

i dont know who's the owner of that domestic cat, and lucy is the name i gave her, hope the kittens yet to be born will be the sort in the video...the kitten reminds me how i doze off in the lecture...

beauty and the beast

2006-10-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

sitting infront of laptop, trying get inspired..and all i know my sunday's gonna get expired.

i forgot to mention something, and i m making this record..

two days ago, when i was getting outa campus, that philippine exchange student boarded the bus at the stop beside raffles hall, she was simply stunning with just brief makeup, casually dressed with floppy pants like she's done her yoga class. i constantly peeked at her, and i guess she knew that i was doing so; i dont understand what she was talking to her friend, perhaps that's filipino, but she picked the seat beside me, and damn, i forgot to tell her:"you look great today."

drifter

2006-10-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

i cant figure out what went astray, i decided not to go home straight, instead i bought myself the ticket to the departed. the theater was sort of empty, so basically i own the seats within 2 meters radius, and i have definitely made myself comfortable by couching across 3 seats leaning against my dirty looking bag, the jacket was the only source of warmth, and i had the big gulp of icelemon tea as company...the malay couple two seats away was giving me that look "what an odd ball", and i repsonded with shrug that read "i dont give a damn bullshit of what you think"

and zc thought i was going crazy and i thought u know that i was getting cranky lately?

the last film i watched under the name martin scorsese was his aviator, and i still keep the stubs..i like the way frank costello, or rather jack nicholson put it in the opening, " i dont want to become the product of environment, i want the environment to become my product " and sure he did, in the bloody way, then i realised it's an M18 rate. i dont know what chemical reaction went wrong in my body, i just felt lethargic, ain't engaged, and before i lost the senses, i just want to do the things that i want to do, and dont question the rationale behind, 'cause there isnt any, i need a buffer zone...

"is your life fucked?" when sargent dignam asked billy costigan, the harsh way, i thot that was for me…I wanted to buy a cup of coffee to the street artist that was playing guitar, but I don’t have a dime in my wallet, if my role’s been switched to his, would there be someone offering me just a cup of coffee and giving me a tab on the shoulder at the end of the day?

心情还是不好

2006-10-17T19:24:00.000+08:00

day plus 8, i fail to cheer myself up again, shattered, disoriented, responsiveless, too tired to make a smile...

God damn it...

some genius came out with all those...

2006-10-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

第一计：不论吃什么好吃的，都会让她先吃第一口（咽到了，她说我害她）
　　
第二计：永远站在她的左边牵着她的手，就算吃饭时也是坐在她的左边用左手握着她的左手（我们在逆行，行人车辆从右侧掠过，我却坚决站到她左面，结果……）　　

第三计：她的身体不好，陪着她去锻炼身体，陪她去游泳(锻炼途中我随便看了眼旁边跑过去的女孩，三天没和我说话）　　

第四计：不论有多忙，忙完了都会第一个打电话给她（她还以为我很闲，开始怀疑我有没有认真工作……）　　

第五计：爬山的时候她累了，要背着她，大汗淋淋也不说累（一起滚下山……）　　

第六计：她对紫外线过敏，夏天的时候为她打伞（不小心一下没完全遮住，她怒了，说我不关心她，要我检讨。）　　

第七计：她不会用刀子，在吃皮萨的时候先把皮萨切成一小块一小块的然后再拿给她吃（可能是我眼力不好，拿了稍微小了1毫克的那块给她，她明察秋毫，海扁了我一顿）　　

第八计：吃她剩下的饭菜（她以为我胃口好，怕我吃不饱之后每天特意剩下很多……）　　

第九计：在一个雨夹雪的夜晚，把鱼肉中的刺细心挑出来喂她吃晚饭（我激动万分的说，刺都挑出来了，她高兴放心的大口吃，1分钟后我拨通了120……)　　

第十计：让她擦过鼻涕的面巾纸直接放到你的口袋里，看到果皮箱以后你再掏出来扔掉（粘在了裤兜上，她要我牵她，我不肯，她哭着给了我一巴掌跑掉了，我坐在垃圾桶旁边祈祷）　　

第十一计：看电影的时候，让她可以舒服的*在你的右肩膀，抱着你的右胳膊（她怀疑我是故意靠近右边坐着的女士）　　

第十二计：她和好朋友出去玩，要会惦记，手机开到很晚，一直等到她回家的电话才睡觉(她玩的很累，忘记了，第二天早上我照镜子发现自己突然老了许多）　　

第十三计：知道她的一切爱好，尽量去适应她的口味（她总是对我说“拜托你有点个性好不好，你到底是不是个男人？！）　

第十四计：去外地出差，会想她打电话给她，如果有时间都会带礼物给她（她规定三小时汇报一次我的地理位置，并且不按时抽查，礼物少了就要家法伺候）　　

第十五计：不论什么时候打她的手机，都要坦然告诉她你在哪里在做什么（我出门了，我下楼梯呢，我到楼下了，楼下居委会大娘和我打招呼呢，我到地铁站了，信号没了……）　　

第十六计：你所有的密码都要让她知道，也从来不改（有天我突然发现登陆不了银行帐号，后来知道，她家电脑里养了几只木马……）　　

第十七计：尽量抽时间陪她，即使是很短的时间也会来看她（父母似乎有点寂寞,我多少年没见到朋友们了，不知道他们还活着吗）　　

第十八计：晚上睡前打电话给她，会陪我聊到很晚（很快我要找份新的工作，最好是夜班，看大门的那种。。。）　　

第十九计：她送你的东西都要用心保存（我花了三年积蓄在我家楼后买了间仓房，似乎，还不够，过些天还要贷款再买一间大些的……）　　

第二十计：为她拒绝别的女孩子的示好（在那瞬间，我感觉到狙击步枪正瞄准我的后脑勺）　　

第二十一计：看到她的脸色不好，会陪她去做美容，一直等在美容院门口（很快我开始整天躲避高利贷的追杀。）　　

第二十二计：在她遇到麻烦的事情时会为她想办法，安慰她（她完全按照我的方法做了，没几天她打电话对我说，她想亲手杀了我。）　　

第二十三计：约会过后要回家时，要在公车上一直看着她，一直到看不到为止（我发现有个男人出现在她面前，他们在说着什么，我从窗口跳下车……）　　

第二十四计：知道她总看电脑眼睛疼为她买眼药水（她告诉我那眼药水真好用，她再不为聊天聊到眼花而心烦了。等等，她和谁聊）　　

第二十五计：给她剪指甲，在她胃疼的时候用手捂着她的胃心疼的不得了（她说我剪的又慢又丑，我用手捂着她的胃1个小时，然后她用死神的眼神看着我说，你怎么还不去给我买药！）　　

第二十六计：会为她穿袜子穿鞋，走在路上看到她的鞋带松了会弯下腰为她系好（我说，有空把袜子打包邮给我，我给你洗完送回来，她怀恨在心，我弯下腰为她系鞋带时被她踹了一脚）　　

第二十七计：从不让她提重的东西（她骂我很没用，整天提重东西也不变壮。）　　

第二十八计：去寺院上香时为会她祈福（她说我迷信，又老土，并开始怀疑我是不是与某某邪教有关联）　　

第二十九计：上网查找她喜欢的故事和笑话，然后硬记下来见面时讲给她听（她面无表情地看着我被自己的笑话逗的哈哈大乐，连旁人都以为我疯了）　　

第三十计：会为了陪她而放弃自己的爱好，几乎不再玩游戏（为什么生活越来越平淡，我活着的理想是什么？过的啥这么没意思？我开始有了轻生的念头）　　

第三十一计：知道有人追她会不安，会吃醋生气（她说我没气度，并且不相信她，我为此写了份一万字的检讨，再也不敢干涉她私生活）　　

第三十二计：真诚对待她的朋友，在她们有困难的时候尽力去帮忙（有天晚上她终于忍受不住，打电话给我最后通牒说，“和我朋友保持点距离，不然就和我保持距离！”然后挂掉了电话）　　

第三十三计：保留你们的合影，并告诉周围所有的人你们是情侣（我不明白，为什么他们在背后叫我鸡婆）　　

第三十四计：看到她流泪会着急，看到她高兴会开心（我每天在着急与开心间轮转N次，没多久我预订了每周去看一次心理医生）　　

第三十五计：会为她流泪，担心和失眠（我终于断定，自己上辈子是个女人）　　

第三十六计：真心爱她，并对她说你会娶她（真心D哦~）（十几年后，我经常听见她对孩子们抱怨说“你们长大以后要言而有信，绝对别学你爸，说了1000次会娶我，结果只娶了我一次！）

alive and kicking part 1

2006-10-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

0602

alive and kicking part 2

2006-10-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

we only have 4 guys here on the hatchday party for cass...if we have a better attendence, i wonder what kinda havoc we will make...
hong and len u are not being helpful, trying to raise king's seat? are you nuts? i guess there's alittle bit of communication breakdown, cant you two tell what i m doing? help me...

with improved communication and coordination...here we go, dude, look at you! ain't you cool?

ok, get to the topic, 21st hatchday for the girl in white...we are getting old, but do keep young at heart, well, you can try the tricks we've done in the above picture...and remember, that is without loong's presence..close up with sam the almighty...

with hong, viv and clydie...five years ago, we were still in that grey uniform, look at us now...the reason, why three of us are still single...probably is we are acting gays...

toilet break..what more can i say?

hong, didnt u just pee too long? and what's with that face, is it really a pain to pee infront of camera?self-entertainment...peiqi, sorry that i moved too far away to make ya face appear bigger...if i say it's not intentional, will u buy that?with viv, as sporty as ever..

i feel it this way

2006-10-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

why you buy that pair of shoes with a skull printed on it? she asked, and i answered, 'cause i m sick and tired of my past, that very much haunts me even at this moment...

it's the skull print of Che Guevara...i want to differentiate myself from the what i was, i need a revolution in mind, i can put myself in meditation for hours, contemplating about past and future, and just trying to get away from the present in an awefully messed up state of mind, i cant keep things in place, and i m stumbling on my pace, yea, you are right, it's just as fuck'd up as usual..what is it meant to be me? reincarnation of failure? and what is it meant to be you? eternity of triumph? fuck it, circle leads to nowhere...i m sorry if i cant be sweet, it's not my expertise and i wont wrap my tongue with honey; give me a hug, warm me up from inside when i cant pretend to be happy, when i fail to camouflage my saddness; make all that sacrifice worthy i wanted, though often i heard it's ok...Captain Miller said "earn it" twice before his death, the most powerful line that i remembered this far in all the films i've watched, sometimes when i infer it to my life, i cant help but start wondering what have i earned...gy, i think you have just thought too much in redundancy, go, just go and love like you've never loved before

and i need to build up my alamo..

演唱会

2006-10-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

手表时间下午5点58分，
我在左手边数来第2个路灯，右手边数来第357块瓷砖，
等着你
人渐渐多起来，怕你看不见
我手上的荧光棒是红色的，
手机里还是没有你的简讯，
是不是路上塞车了？
没关系，我会等你
现在体温37.2度，
手里的starbucks咖啡早已凉去，
时间是晚上8点零2分，
怕热的你应该会出现了吧。
一个人路灯下踱步，
浪漫得好悲哀，
分针再次归零，9点正
曲终人散，第2个路灯下的人影很是凌乱
演唱会门票还在我手里，
而你在哪里？

get it over

2006-09-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

ages' been gone since the last time i commit in heart talk over the mobile, at 230am, and the battery went flat so it was abruptly stopped, else it could easily go beyond an hour and a half...

i m not a perfectionist, and i could easily surrend just like what i did before As..but thank Lord that i've granted with strength to carry on, such that when i fall i could get back on feet myself...imperfections are everywhere, live with them, and discovery of the beauty is all i m longing for. perfection is merely an option, not an obligation, girl u read that? who wants to live in the world with everything's perfect, that's nuts and makes no sense, at least to me..

i m just glad that people are questioning their lives, not just blindly steering forward, it can go nowhere sometimes. feel powerless? yes; feel exhausted? yes; feel sick? yes; feel jealous? yes; feel meaningless? yes; feel yourself? no...dont deprive me the right to dream, as that gets me and others going...

"sometimes you cant make it on your own"

2006-09-28T00:19:00.000+08:00

it's you when i look into mirror, so dont tell me you dont understand how i feel, killing me softly with your tender sweetness, trapped in no light, breathe in endlessness, letting out the thinest sigh in defiance, i cant be right and seems i've never been bold, but read my lips, it says i love you so. damn, i need damage control.

monday wonderful

2006-09-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

the presentation teams are now lagging behind by 2, so i sincerely hope that the situation will only get worse tomorrow, such that, being the last group to present/lecture we will escape that...

i m not undermining the creativity of professor goh who came out the idea that students would lecture the students, and he just sits back relaxed and giving you the right direction when you are steering towards the wrong one. afterall he's the one calling the shot, and setting our final papers...

so i met up with my group this afternoon, all of them are my seniors, and met the legendary shuangjun; our seniors are the most powerful group of industrial engineers-to-be in the history of the department, and according to little white, shuangjun is the most powerful among the most powerful batch, i gotta say, he looks very wise and i feel hornored to be assigned in the same group...so the seniors spent about 15 minutes debating on how many latin squares there can be, given there's n by n levels, that's the only the introduction...they started to talk in martian language, i took a very deep breathe when shuangjun's inferring latin square to markov chain! in embarrassment, i had to disrupt their debate and told them i didnt understand what they were talking, and started all over again...i m a stupid junior, i know

it was a fun experience though, had a wonderful conversation with mardiana after the meeting, she's the year5, somehow her graduation's been delayed by one semester, but she is very very cool...in our conversation, we covered democracy, religion, ideology, communism and how these terms interact with each other, for a moment, i thot i m a politcal science student, but it was just free roaming of the ideas and that's the university life i meant, we dont just talk about markov chains, EOQs, aggregate planning, exponential smoothing, winter's methods because we are ISE, we have independent thoughts, different but reconcilable and we question our lives, for what? i dont know, but it's better than just having knowlegde on markov chains, EOQs, aggregate planning, exponential smoothing, winter's methods...

it was friday

2006-09-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

the snooze function of alarm clock is one of the greatest inventions in mankind history, it prevents me from smashing up the poor little gadget...

went to great world city for movie after class, i always want to watch pulse ever since i watched the trailer on youtube and i convinced cw to come along, plus cs towards the last minutes. the film basically grabs and masters all the elements of suspense horror: scenes like dirty toliet with rusty bolts on the door of cubical, crampped bathtub, large frame of window (dirty still) which you look out is the lifeless street, tangled wires of destop with dust of a century resting on it (dirty again), and to my surprise, throughout the 90 minutes, word for frustration like fuck only heard once, and it was from the leading actress...i kinda like the concept of the movie, which if i didnt interpret wrongly, hell is just a bandwidth like our WiFi floating in the air, "There are some frequencies we were never meant to find." the tagline says, some computer geek accidentally interfered and probed into it, and of course opened the box, and welcome to hell...the solution is to use computer virus to shut down the bandwidth which ultimately failed, so welcome to hell again...

supposely you could see dead people on your PC, but the dead is using black plastic bag( like those trash bags) to cover his head and squat at the corner like he's suffering from autism, i found it stupid and i lost track there...it's not spooky to me, i think it's 'cause i m old now, and the ghost boss/hellraiser( i dont know what that thing is called, it just teleports everywhere and sucks your life out ) is a bald head with pale ghotic makeup like it's been overdosed on drugs...cs was freaked out by certain scenes thou, but she behaves like exponential, memoryless...

if you got computer addict friends, bring them to watch it, freak'em out and laugh at them...however the dead portrayed in the film is, to me, in the endlessness of eternal lonliness, sad and helpless, mirroring the extreme in our real world?

-i m hungry-

farewell anthony, see you on skype

2006-09-13T22:34:00.000+08:00

dude, take care, whatever shit u do, take care.

i appreciate u asked me out for dinner on monday, felt guilty for not being able to catch up with you frequently, especially after school restarted and i've been haunted by endless assignments, the greatest regret probably is wouldnt be able to play ball with ya, damn, i miss those days...

and why the heck the flight schedule is a day ahead than planned outa blue? anyway, was the conversation we had on monday considered men's talk? i could only testify that all i said was truth, state of confusion, yes, but all truth...enjoy your last year in liverpool, dude, u gonna graduate a year earlier than me, and there are just tons of things you would wanna do after that. i m not good at saying sweet things, and you know it, so God bless you, faith brings you anywhere.

one last note, you know what i meant when i said:"dont get into anything physical", dont you?

pigeons, winter and Amsterdam

2006-09-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

only if i could be as well-travelled as my father, i always look up to him and he has expectations on me, but i just cant be him...

last tues, was having lunch with terry, zt and tin, somehow the topic of trans-national marriage arose...i didnt really think too much, till i asked myself, what would i choose? which citizenship will i grant my children, since dual-citizenships isnt allowed in both singapore and china; but i do think, the policy in singapore is slowly changing to adapt to dynamic demographic transition, to which i think, it will eventually embrace dual-citizenship just like those northern european countries simply 'cause the population base is shrinking, till then, perhaps my children, if ever i get married here, shall have dual-citizenships..anthony, this is the question for you to ponder too, since you are in the more "advanced" status than me now.

look what i found, we were babies in black and white, young and innocent time, now with only corrupted mind. preview of my kid.

again, subjectless

2006-09-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

went to pick up the ordered 7th jay album last night...losing passion on him thou, i m merely collecting his albums now, the feeling is utterly different from the time that i got his 1st one in november 2000, and well, at this rate, his albums are gonna colonize the shelf...fanciful cover isnt appealing to me, a simple concept will make bigger buzz, i m just an outlier that fails the marketing expectation of the record company...

recommendation: 7.心雨 10.菊花台

subjectless

2006-09-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

church's cancelled the pilgrimage trip to jerusalem, reason being that military standoff in the region,thus incapable of guaranteeing the safty of all.

in the holy land where Chirst was born, war wages on...

made a new friend today at the archery session, an exchange student from Canada, Montreal..if the picture of a blue eye hulk with thick blonde hair has actually bubbled above your head, get rid of it then...he's a pure chinese, cantonese to be exact, an immigrant for 14 years in Montreal; now majoring in international business, and believe it or not, that was what i want to do before i was enrolled, but subsequently changed my mind for ISE; i laughed out when he told me how he was shocked and awed by the thunder when he was asleep in the midnight in shearse hall, and i responded, dude, get used to it, the raining season is right at the corner, his reaction was kinda cute, "raining seaon?! really? that's cool"; i guess, you dont really get to see big fat tropical rain in Montreal then?

i see myself in him, perhaps both sharing the sentiments being the second generation of chinese immigrants, born in 80's

unscrewed? screw me

2006-09-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

personally, i think it's pretty much fuck'd up by the amount of work i owe myself and to the professors...i have been flipping the M.log textbook, deciphering all these freaking symbols that look so alien to me, and add to worse, i dont think others will have the same sorta problem as i do, so i m screwed...to my bewilderment, despite the fact that linear programming's been learnt 2 sem back, i was flashed out when i read the assignment problem that requires the technique, i couldnt even understand the scope of the problem, perhaps only 20% of shit that i m going to make a living with after graduation? how great...having this sudden impulse, feeling like make a call to America where the editor of the textbook is, and scream at him through the speaker:" what the fuck do you want?"...at the brighter side, i finally understand what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis, and how DNA is replicated, and how i was born 'cause my dad passed his Y chromosome and my mom contributed her X chromosome...but i m still pissed at the information overload and jamming, and my incapability to digest the critical message in the book...and, the msn messager just notified me 5 minutes ago a new email message from Victoria's secret?! it's getting bad...

-the end-

for daniel lee, from not youtube, but yuntube

2006-09-01T20:03:00.000+08:00

dude, i found this clip of her performing in a shanghai pub, April 2006, on a handycam...awesome voice, i barely could differentiate between her and celion dion...

i think i shouldnt wear white-tee, 'cause it makes me look like a walking pillow, and there was people treating me like a pillow nevertheless...i was crampped at the seat on the bus, being confined in the gap between two seats, there wasnt exactly any luxury for movement, just like praticing yoga, not in the location like beach in bali, but on a SBS bus..yea, reality is hard to swallow...a girl, probably heading home from campus too, took the seat beside me when it was free up by a kid, she's tiny, so the seat wasnt any sort of trouble for her...i guess she's probably exhausted, she dozed off in five minutes and then, as i expected, she used my shoulder as her pillow, unintentionally shall be?...ok guys, seriously, what would you do when you are subjected to such circumstance, please advise...as the stop that i would alight was still distant, and my consciousness was having argument whether i shall wake her up or continue to let her sleep, erm well, the first option was compromised...one thing i learnt from the incident though,that it's useless to use any form of verbal communication to gently alert the person beside you, who's using your shoulder as pillow; as a result of futile attempt to wake her up using my gentle, soft and manly voice, i had to(not i want to) shake her head and resort to some sign language when she finally opened her eyes and giving me that puzzled-what-the-hell-is-going-on look..."i nid to get off." i said and pointed my index finger at the autodoor of the bus...i must really have been like a cranky weirdie...

i thk i m becoming a tuber...

2006-08-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

i didnt go church today..well, mom read and interpreted my body language in the early monring as " i dont wan to go...", but what i truly was trying to convey to her was "let me sleep another 5 minutes please...", erm, i suppose that's so-called generation gap.

the video you have or have not watched is actually a clip from last year's female singing competition in mainland, to which i thk it's a replica of american idol in every sense...but, let's not be concerned with plain fatigue brought about by the bombardment from those american-idol-style contests and all the bullshit with them, fuck them; dont you just think, the girl that is singing is such an eye candy, and it's pretty amazing how she sings like a dolphin when she is trying to pitch up the tone to the undetectable frequency of human ear...no wonder my cousin's crazy over her...

and talking about my cousin, he's finally graduated from the college and heading to university that's located in the heartland..the metriculation is next month, and i bought him a jacket as i understand the winter there is sub-zero; and he sent me an email :" i received the gift, but kor, why u bought me an oversized jacket? ", so i replied him, " kid, you cant probably wear that now, but when winter kicks in, u gotta wear ya jumpers or what ever shit u have before u wrap yourself with that jacket, and then u wont feel it's oversized anymore "..kids nowadays are becoming less appreciative

it's friday, and remember the name

2006-08-18T19:54:00.000+08:00

the live AOL version of fortminor...pretty cool, i can listen to them rapping whole day...it was a friday that i bought their cd, the rising tide, and it was then burnt to crisp in my cd player...

"This is 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure, 50% pain
And a 100% percent reason to remember the name!"

that quantitatively summarizes my life, and perhaps yours too...

orh, and just to add to that 5% pleasure, graduation trip to tibet anyone? it's shame being a chinese, and never had the motivation to leave my footprint on the west-most territory of my home country...fatal attraction (fatal here is towards my wallet) , the scenery makes that..and being an ethnic han, i just wan to experience the tibetan culture, which is becoming submissive to the han culture, and what is the fun to explore the difference if the whole world is homogenized...ok, just a sidenote, go hell hollywood, stop homogenizing the world...it's convenient now and even cool to roll into tibetan plateau, highest on the world, on the railway, and the connection project costs 50 years of work and billions of dollars..but i do believe this multi-billion dollar project isnt purely for the tourist, national security is the issue and tourism is the bonus of it, heard the Indians were freak'd out by it...anyway, i will be there as the tourist, so i embrace it full heart...imagine this, cloudless blue-purplish sky as the sun burns out last bit of it down the west horizon, cattle slowly takes the walk on the endless pasture stretch to the line where the sun disappears...

so, anyone?

very funny, peter.

2006-08-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

where's my destination

2006-08-12T09:19:00.000+08:00

"packed my bags and i traveled with a pen and my notepad, pissed that i was broke and all things that i dont have" -- Tak

big deal

2006-08-10T23:45:00.000+08:00

i've been praticing nude sleeping, for weeks...but i have to stop it, 'cause my mother, being the conservative chinese housewife, freak'd out, thinking that her son is having some kinda perversive behaviour, possibly a potential psycho..u know, moms are good at imagining, excessively..and as for my father, he's cool, a simple line " wateva he wants" relieves me momentarily, and allow me to translate for him, what he truly meant was " kid, try that again, if you dare"..

what? i m not doing that for fun, and what is the big deal there?

june and july are the hottest monthes of the year, every second you are in the endless cycle of perspiration; i hate air-conditioned bedroom, though it's cooling everything down, it dries up your skin, and worse still, your throat; ok, fine, i got a sensitive throat, i just dont like it when i m taking the first gulp of water in morning, rising from an air-conditioned room, just like swallowing needles, that sucks..so, i prefer natural settings, and i m also taking the convenience of the park which its nearest tree-top to my room, is only like 10 meters away? trees are lungs of our mother Earth, they produce oxygen, so by sleeping in nude, i m liberating every inch of my skin, and that is healthy, i thought?

it would be a concern if i m living with my girlfriend in some rented apartment, away from the parents...but, well, i m living with parents now. c'mon, like parents never see their kids without anything covering their skin, and i m still civilized enough to use a blanket to cover my body when sleeping, just that the body is without singlet or boxer...i do feel the merits or whateva u call it, of such pratice: i fell asleep faster and better sleeping quality..

guys, i definitely recommend you to try it, but for now, i gotta put boxers back on.

from joshua harris

2006-08-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

just a paragraph of words that i wanna share from his book:

" I once read a newspaper article that quoted a woman who had starred in many pornographic movies. Surprisingly, this woman had stipulated in her contract that she would never have to kiss the male actors with whom she had sex before the cameras. Why would a woman who gives her body to every form of sexual perversion care about a kiss? The answer she gave was that a kiss was one of the few remaining intimate and precious things she could reserve for her boyfriend. "

even porn stars draw lines

"argh, you gonna think that i m crazy"

2006-07-27T17:21:00.000+08:00

i still think sweet november is better, the script, the leading actress, compared to the lake house that i watched yesterday; charlize theron is definitely a eye candy more than sandra bullock, bullock's been classified as comedian in my history of movie going...it shall have ended like how sweet november ended, just a simple kiss...but in the end of this film, there was, to which i think, too much lip lock, keanu reeves was like trying to suck what she ate for breakfast outa her stomach...and i think there is a conspiracy theory behind the script, the dog named jack that was the only connection between two of them living two years apart, must be a psychic!! trying to overthrow the leadership of human society!!..erm, i m just imagining too much?

fix me

2006-07-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

she held my hand, and said to me:" faith, you must have all your faith in Jesus, your prayer will heal your wound, be whatever it is ", and i was almost in tear...

like coldplay sings in fix you:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

first encounter

2006-07-19T12:59:00.000+08:00

i brought grandma to the roti prata house at upper thomson road for breakfast...heard it's one of the best roti prata house on the island; i used to buy supper from there last sem, those dreadful days that we got to stay late in the night for the cs project...dont remind me

anyway, we had satisfying meal...and she whispered to me, why are these people so dark?

as i slowly recovered from the choke, and contemplated an appropriate answer to that; i squeezed the words outa my teeth, too much sun-tan perhaps...

grandma

2006-07-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

thank Lord, grandma touched down safely in the afternoon. we were still worried that the airport would actually postpone the flight as the typhoon was approaching, and it was already causing some damage in northern taiwan last night, matter of time in hours for it to hit the coast of my hometown...for those never experience typhoon yet, you have no idea what is called thrilling...

again, thank Lord, the typhoon changed its path in 10 hours, headed north instead of south, though the weather forecast last night predicted a direct hit; as it turned away from the airport, my aunt drove her safely to the terminal; and thank Lord, for assigning those kind souls in her journey, help her out along the way; she's asleep now, must be tired out; at the routine sleep time prayer, we stood in the circle, she led us in the prayer, we just listened and appreciated, thank Lord for that moment.

i love her very much

changing..for good

2006-07-13T13:08:00.000+08:00

i was reminded how i kicked a fuss about the topic on homosexual during my jc days on GP lesson; i couldnt remember the exact details, but pretty sure that i was radical, to the extent that zero tolerance of the homosexual community is permitted; others may have a rather neutral stand as it's not their beef at all, however, marginalisation of the group was my agenda, oh well, things people do when they were young and wild...it all boils down to the christian doctrine that homosexual is labelled as a sin, which's been embedded deep in my belief; when zero tolerance is allowed, it breeds arrogance, prejudice or even hatred, and i was blinded.

perhaps Lord is trying to remind me another far more important christian doctrine, that embrace the difference with love, erm...to me, maybe not with love yet, nevertheless just take the first step to accept..that somehow explains why He places homosexual friends into my life, i have to understand them, not simply shrug off and attach my prejudicial opinions to.

but frankly, it's not easy, perhaps it's just me...i'd thought he's just alittle bit sissy, may be 'cause the imbalance of male hormone inside his body; anyway, i get along with him well, having fun on cheap jokes, latest blockbusters, food watsoeva...i only realised how different he was from me when he was asking me about xbox:
"hey, i want to buy a xbox360 for my boyfriend, watcha say?"
"xbox360's got terrific graphic, its retail price is terrific too...erm, did u just say boyfriend?"
"yea, boyfriend, my boyfriend"
*silent for a while* "orh..great..lovely...anyway, xbox360 allows multiplayers up to 20 person at the same time, blah..blah..blah"

as i explored more, he is actually a drag performer as well, and he truly wants to be a woman...i guess fate just played a big prank on him, and what m i to judge? he's brave to face the reality, and never denies what truly he wants, even it's against the convention..this year, it's the fifth anniversay of his relationship and it's going steadfastly, beautiful lovestory indeed; 5 years, that's longer than any other relationships i know, and they are deemed to be different from us..i will not say i will throw my arms around and fully embrace the difference, but i m starting to accept the brokebacks, as Lord wishes me to..

ugly

2006-07-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

no idea since when i started flirting, no idea why i m doing so. like big deal, but it feels ridiculous. first look is addictive, there goes the second, and then the third...i m confessing so, 'cause i dont wan to be a sinner, i m afraid to be one.

i m just disgusted by myself, and i need to be forgiven.

eh..italian dudes actually eat this?

2006-06-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

okay...the white boxes are actually the censorship from me...nevertheless it's darn funny to see the actual thing, what a gift man, what a gift...

i just cant stop laughing, when i saw the cover with caricature of a male...erm, organ? hahahaha

anthony, u basically threw that box of pasta to me when i appeared from the shower room in AJ, and for once, i'd thot what's so special about it till u asked me to see what's written on it...and u were actually telling me seriously, u burnt a hole on ya wallet just to get this thing in france and flew it with you...yea dude, i appreciate it alot, with that extra sense of humour on food, alright, i feel the liberalism in europe; shit it, did u see? they even made the pasta in the shape..hahahaha, ok, i will cook these pasta one day, and u guys will be on the invitation list, i wonder how we will feel when we sit around the dinning table and look at each other...haha

and it's made in italy, the home of pasta; if chinese are this humourously creative, just imagine what noodle will look like...

played b-ball with ant, dan, king, loong and loong's bro at AJ...i think all of us got injured one way or another; king u bang on my waist!! and it still hurts now!! my skin is red and i thk it's burnt to crisp...i have not been laughing this much for a long time, my lung's been put to the litmit; and anthony, could you be more mature next time, stop pulling down my shorts when u are defending me, gosh, i wonder how i believe u that u are actually doing bible study, haha...the western store in aj canteen still puts up our guys' picture with the pork-chop auntie, and we discovered this ultra-ugly figure, i think it's a wishing tree or something, right beside the 1st floor library, it's really ugly so we laughed at it before leaving the school.

loong said something unintentionally that touched me: it would be hard for each of us to ever find guys like each of us again..

no more aj-ice, the uncle in the store actually told dan that it has been two years or so, since the last time someone ordered aj-ice, suck it; i felt a little bit of disappointment, but i've done my part, so are the orientation leaders like dan, ant and king and others, we passed the legacy to our juniors at least, sadly they didnt keep it flowing...

like green day sings:" as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends"

eh..italian dudes actually eat this?

2006-06-24T21:08:00.000+08:00

offensive play: backdoor

2006-06-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

When facing tough man-to-man pressure, this backdoor quick hitter is a good play.
The #2 and #3 men break out quickly to the wings. When the pass goes from #1 to #5, #3 immediately cuts backdoor for a layup.

i just cant wait for saturday to come...

team reunion

2006-06-21T19:45:00.000+08:00

our center anthony leong is finally back.

loong suggested team play against his bro's men this saturday, AJ, home court for us.

the team is back, after the center flew thousands of miles from england. welcome back to tropical, bro.

zone defence and offence are always the theme, run and gun is the option, the latter u feel the charisma of the game.

PF: dan..SF: king..C: ant..PG: loong..SG: gy

more alley-oop, baby, more! and i wish my shooting wont be screwed, so as for others.

ps: shaq's wearing his championship ring again, this time, as heat center; i still dont like Antoine Walker, and believe that? 55% of voters think NBA is rigged

i need a hug

2006-06-20T20:20:00.000+08:00

give me a hug, even if u are my foe..

i cant recall the last time i felt the warmth from another person..none there is or i m living in oblivion?

perhaps i dont need, but that's not the voice within.

i m not a saint, and i will not fake one.

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:23:00.000+08:00

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:21:00.000+08:00

the legendary raw oyster; it doesnt look tastily, but believe me, it is fantastic when oyster roller-coast down ya throat and hit ya stomach...and somebody told me eating raw oyster makes u feel..erm, horny...so, now i feel horny? whateva, haha

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:20:00.000+08:00

i spent most of my time eating...they even have a chocolate fountain there...

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:19:00.000+08:00

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:18:00.000+08:00

dd's crazy over that raw oyster...

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

those standing behind us are the big shots...

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:16:00.000+08:00

will i become like zid some day?

farewell bachelor, farewell singlehood

2006-06-17T02:14:00.000+08:00

the couple

she's a beauty, isnt she?

this is it...

2006-06-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

beer and live matches, what more can i ask for?

sadly dad's been having flu lately, so i m the only one having my stomach filling up alcohol; anyway, that doesnt stop him from cursing when the player trying to kick the ball to outer-space; or cheering when a 20-yard-goal kept being replayed on the screen...

been resting for the past two days, read alot...i like to lay my lazy bones on sofa in the early afternoon, tea by my side, cushion up my head, book on my tummy and i read and read and read till my vision became blurry; doesnt sound healthy hur? i m fine with it...

somebody will be praticing piano when i was drowning myself in the book, it doesnt take an expert to tell the delighted tone somewhere out of window, it's also apparent that the person must be a novice since the same tone was going through over and over again...and then i have this picture in my mind: my daughter sitting beside piano gentlely pressing the keys, smooth tones then gentlely vibrates my eardrum, as i m making myself cozy in the sofa, reading my favourite books...

it's abit far-fetched i know, but no harm dreaming right?

2006-06-12T23:45:00.001+08:00

2006-06-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

2006-06-12T23:44:00.001+08:00